Screaming Apologies

My life has never been easy
but I make no excuse
for the pain I have caused
and the people I've used.
I never hurt you for fun
no intentional pain,
I made blind-loaded choices
with nothing to gain.
I'm sorry for my gamble
and my desire to roll the dice,
I'm sorry for taking my chances
and for making you pay the price.
I know that I hurt you
and you don't understand,
the promises I broke
were not a part of our plan.
I'm sorry you feel empty
angry and confused,
but please don't feel ugly
tricked or used.
I know I led you to malice
and you're constantly jaded
but let this maelstrom deliver you
from all of the hate I created.
Please try to move forward
as I do the same
and embrace his sunshine
while escaping my rain.
My guilt has consumed,
impossible to swallow and forget
the taste of my torture
and all the bitter regret.
Despite how I left you
I am a good man and I swear it,
so I will scream to you this apology
and beg you to bear it.