deepundergroundpoetry.com

Myself

Sometimes I'd wonder
if I was myself anymore.
"I guess I'm not,
but you make that okay.
Don't you?
You make the world numb,
sweet pills and alcohol.
You make this all
okay."

Sometimes I'd wonder
if I was losing myself,
getting lost
in you.
"But that's alright
because without you I am just
a broken girl
crying
lying
dying
sighing
you make it okay."

I remember those days
before I was sober,
like I am now.
Those days where I couldn't
imagine
a day without you in me
near me
searing me
making me fear being without you.

I remember the days where
I'd only laugh to make you
all go silent
so I could consume
what I wanted,
thought I needed.
Sorry for that, I just wasn't
myself
was I?

I'm done now
I'm free of that
that constant need
of hungering that
pill and that liquid so warm
so much pain
that left a stain
brought the rain
in my heart.

I'm myself once more
alone and happy about it
even though I feel
and cry and smile and
all those emotions.
I am myself.
Myself.
I don't need you,
won't need you,
won't seek you out
like I once did.
Now, I am myself
myself
happily and truly
myself and me alone.
You are nothing
but a memory
don't control me
not anymore.

I am myself
and I don't
Won't
and will never
need you again.