deepundergroundpoetry.com

Eve

It whirred and cut thru the cast-swiftly
sending tiny shards of plaster-a small
white storm in its wake and all the
'get well soon' messages
were gone and my feet looked
anything
but mine-
translucent-
pallid-
almost
artificial
then the sessions began
It was August if I recall-
the lightless zenith of despair
the jump that nearly got me killed-damn
that had also happened then-on my birthday
on the very first day of the year-I was still
on the rebound-shaken-liquid-weightless-flightless
after having nearly died and I never liked that word
n-e-a-r-l-y for it sounded like an unfinished musical score
an unpolished wooden bed-an unwanted life to claw and cling onto
My gills were choked with tears of blood that defied every single attempt
for release and September was when
there was this kind man who dressed in white-linen
listened to Penderecki early in the morning-
with herbal tea and cookies
He gave me sessions where
he wanted to listen to me
I had not much to offer
except for fillers-
which did not fill
a n y w a y
October
vanished from
my life as I slept
like never before for
days at times- some cocktail
it was-Withinia Somnifera-
Halcion-white-blue-whatnot
The beard replaced what used to be
my neck in the small broken mirror
My eyes were bigger than ever-like
that Jewish actor who played the creep
Having locked myself from outside I was
free at last-from therapy-the world from
Quartets for Strings and Piano in A minor
November as I remember was always glorious-
glum-lonesome-when everyone had plans or they came up
with for next month-next year-for future-for life-for it
I won't have known it from any other but for the bills
and visits by strangers who came from the bank
for payments still pending from years ago-
p r o b a b l y-It was a time when there
were couples everywhere copulation
everywhere-parks-cars-overcoats-
purchases-sale offers-discarded
glittering wrappers and blush
underneath cheeks-breasts
I did not realize when
it ended-no big deal-
not really for all
I saw was jabs-
flashes-faces
everything
was turned up
louder-
closer-
harder
then ever
a sensory assault-
the kind one feels
while being born-I guess
it was just opposite-the very
opposite for me-an antithesis
One day I found my door split-open-
the lock missing and the rooms looked
bigger-cleaner and later I realized there
was a robbery a few hours ago as I watched
the telly-the late night homeshopping infomercials
A couple of days later there was a visitor
She stood nervously when I stood
half-awake-half-naked-half-dead
and asked her to come in
She showed me slides of
inflated stomachs and
skeletal women with
no hair in thatched
houses and there were
the jabs and she
told me which one I could go
for as there were five types-
platinum-gold-silver-bronze-amber
I looked into her eyes long enough as she
reminded me of someone I used to know and I guess
I lucked out for she started crying and then she
hugged me and she made me nudge in between her
legs and yank and pull and thrust and grunt
I slept-battered-bruised like a new born
All thru out the month I found her
in my house-kitchen-dining-study
bed-couch-wrapped in sheets
wrapped-wrung-wrinkled-
wobbly and I found
myself expel
wastes-
poems-
toxins-
stillborn-
poison-sperm
She shaved my head-
my beard-my crotch and made
me wear a silk robe that felt good
She told me she would write a blog
about me and took a few pictures dressed
in that robe and said she would come back-soon
And then there were bright fireworks and loud cheers
a few days later and one bill particularly asked me to be
prsent-during a hearing in court-on the first fifth of twelve
So it was another year The power was cut off that day
and I could not find my old manuscripts from which I had
been tearing off pages every time there was no water
standing naked-unwashed-midway-the birthday boy
I had my first smile after lifetimes.