Tired

The word 'happy' consumes me
I know it's a word I can never be
To pretend is my fate
And you shouldn't try to help me,
because it's too late
It's worse than it was before.
All this unwanted attention,
I feel like a mind whore.
Please. No more pills and therapy.
They're far from helping me.
Just let me go lay down to close my eyes
and I'll be at peace when I don't wake up
Just, I can't feel anymore.
You tell me you hate me and
I just want more.
I gash myself with blades,
knowing I'll go deeper, too deep someday.
And there's nothing to live for in this
materialistic world.
With people who lie and we don't cry anymore.
We just lie.
I'm tired, I'm disgraced, I'm out of place.