deepundergroundpoetry.com
pain and sorrow
His tears stain the paper,
As he reads the bad news.
He prayed this wasn't true,
His one true love left him alone.
Friends try to make him laugh,
Do they see what he holds deep inside?
He lives in darkness,
And walks in light.
No one listens to his
Silent cries for help.
His eye's show his despair.
he laughs outside,
and cries inside.
His tears fall unseen,
His heart breaks as he reads
a poem by a girl he doesn't know.
pain and sorrow fill his heart,
his eyes fill with tears,
his past comes back in
the form of a poem,
written by a girl
from no where
As he reads the bad news.
He prayed this wasn't true,
His one true love left him alone.
Friends try to make him laugh,
Do they see what he holds deep inside?
He lives in darkness,
And walks in light.
No one listens to his
Silent cries for help.
His eye's show his despair.
he laughs outside,
and cries inside.
His tears fall unseen,
His heart breaks as he reads
a poem by a girl he doesn't know.
pain and sorrow fill his heart,
his eyes fill with tears,
his past comes back in
the form of a poem,
written by a girl
from no where
Published 6th Jan 2010
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comments 7
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6th Jan 2010 8:33pm
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 11:51pm
6th Jan 2010 8:34pm
<< post removed >>
6th Jan 2010 9:11pm
1st Feb 2010 9:06pm
I could feel the river of pain and sorrow running through my veins as I read this. It was like a lethal injection. :)
2nd Feb 2010 8:35pm
Anonymous
22nd Jul 2011 5:49pm
I had to read this one a couple of times as I was on the fence as to whether I liked it or not. I think it's a Jekyll and Hyde sort of poem, it has some good and some bad.
I liked the opening line, that definitely drew me in, but then I read things like "he lives in darkness and walks in light", and that was kind of wishy-washy to me.
One of the other good things for the poem is the ending which really gives it some depth and something to ponder I believe.
Overall, I think you come up just on the right side of good. Definitely the prospect of a strong poem with further revision I feel.
I liked the opening line, that definitely drew me in, but then I read things like "he lives in darkness and walks in light", and that was kind of wishy-washy to me.
One of the other good things for the poem is the ending which really gives it some depth and something to ponder I believe.
Overall, I think you come up just on the right side of good. Definitely the prospect of a strong poem with further revision I feel.
27th Jul 2011 6:08pm
gee thanx for the critisism the he lives in darkness but walks in light was to say he is surrouinded by pain and is hurting so bad that he cannot see what there is to live for he walks in light cause he goes to work each day in the sun no one can really see that he's enwrapped in shadows pain and suffering he lost his one true love