blind to shades of life

A fight inside me occurs making my decisions jagged,
like the wrong type of knife cutting skin slowly.

...i sit there and spaze over the small ribbons of skin laying on the floor...dam i got carried away again...

I preview over my days,
my nights,
my weeks,
my months,
my years living here.

i like to think of it all as a moderate ying to yang ratio, but to night to the picture i've added another stroke to the black side of the canvas.

i twitch internally i made the score over powering to the white,
the innocence,
the once of goodness,
the light,
the balance was tipped again tonight...

Yes i literally bleed black,
my skin now on the floor,
a shade of the night,
dark blue,
because i don't believe it, but from lack of oxygen,
or a muscle like connection from the heart or brain.

(what stupid philosophy, a legend from the Odysseus? Every things fucked up in this way...)

i take my blood, if i dab lightly...

Stepping back i look,
yes it is now turning a darkish kind of gray,
not black, but the scale doesn't ever show this,
its just black and white negative developed photo graphs... there for tectonically what i did was consider black,
bad,
although we (all the different personalities in my head) know its clearly,all just just a sad shade of gray!

...for this  division of mind and spirituality, i sit back and  breath and i realize i'm blind to shades of colors...my sight slowly withering away.

The knife skims my skin again,
tickling me,
peeling away my layers,
leaving me raw,
leaving me to cry and laugh in  a mad psychotic kind of way...