Foolish feelings

Is love meant to feel like this?
Like you're being torn apart,
like you cannot breathe because
it stopped the beat of your heart?
Is love supposed to be despair
and loneliness within?
Is love meant to make you feel
as though you cannot force a grin?

I hate the way I'm suffering
and making myself ill;
I cannot eat for fear of puking,
I cannot smile at will.
I cannot even stop the tears
storming down my cheeks
and when I lie awake at night,
I wish to sleep for weeks.

Love has been unkind to me
in ways I cannot tell.
It seems to make each waking day
another form of hell.
Maybe if I hate enough
then love will be dispelled
and perhaps towards your selfish self
I will be less compelled.