To-do's

I have written many lists
of names and places
and dates and also
lists of emotions I should feel.

I have tampered with time
and course of events that would've
conjured my happiness
so now I digest the fine division
between pain and loss.

There are familiar tunes that
wake me up to a world
where I still have to go on
though all else had turned to grey.

Sometimes I write similar lists
over and over and over and over and -
not realizing the repetition
of never being able to say
"I have gotten over this."

I have written many lists
some are crossed out
and some are thrown away
whilst some are still left
undone and
in a pile collecting dust and
tangles of memories.