deepundergroundpoetry.com
Big-picture people
It was somewhere in between
the desire to create
the Next Big Thing
and the struggle
to breathe until nightfall
that we realized we had lost
the puzzle to solve
amidst the pieces.
the desire to create
the Next Big Thing
and the struggle
to breathe until nightfall
that we realized we had lost
the puzzle to solve
amidst the pieces.
Published 28th Sep 2011
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likes 4
reading list entries 1
comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 5th Apr 2021 9:35am
28th Sep 2011 8:35am
<< post removed >>
28th Sep 2011 3:15pm
No no, I'm always open to constructive crit. Care to expand on your thought? I'm not sure I follow. You mean it may work better as a 3-2-3 line structure rather than 1-2-2-2-1?
Anonymous
- Edited 5th Apr 2021 9:35am
29th Sep 2011 10:55pm
<< post removed >>
30th Sep 2011 1:28am
Haha, stop undermining your own point. I see what you mean, though I don't know how I'd fix it without changing the meaning of the piece... I'm not sure it's worth changing though, as the first "division" refers specifically to L2-3 and 3-4, and the second refers to L6-8. I'll think on it, and if you have any suggestions you let me know, otherwise it'll probably stay as-is for lack of a better means of expression. Thanks a lot though for taking the time to explain that, I'll avoid building those cracks into my next construction.