How it is

I used to read about Variation, understanding "chaos"
and Fractal Geometry. Mandelbrot was my hero from ages 11-15.
Now I'm stuck in some kind of psychological mess;
logic in mathematics was always my strong suit
but it seems I've fallen behind ahead of the curve
and I think it might have been all those years in therapy
just sitting there and listening to them talk to me
trying to get me to speak.

I got lost with the birds outside the window
not really sure of what I was thinking, wishing for something
though I forgot what it was. I still look at those books
and wonder if there's be anything in there for me.
I've read them, just like psychologists have tried to read me-
my book shelf has been the same size for years now,
and I doubt those mindful people have noticed at all.

(I'm babbling and drunk at the moment.)