There by the whispering brook

ahh there you are crim!

 thanks very lots for dropping by and kind comment.

shine on!

thanks lots!  
 
I was tinkering with a few of the lines here and there and thought i would exchange "extended" for wanting.Do you think i could do without both of them?  
To be honest i struggled a bit with finding a word for the second 'finest' i will have a quick scope at wordhippo.com and see what it offers.  
the whole penultimate line was a bit of a stretch but if you reckon it is fine with 'best' that will do me.

p.s when you talked about  inconsistent  was it the first four lines?
 
thanks again for your in-depth read and critique, it is much appreciated. :)

Friend I must agree; "worthy of the finest Victorian sonnet". Beautiful, this piece brought to mind a moonlit stroll, genteel love and romantic words. Bravo, well done!!

gypsy red

thanks a million for your read and great comment
gypsy.
i am deeply honored.

and I found it!
Eamon, this is a very eloquent write. I absolutely love the feelings it instilled, provoked' and washed all over me!
Your finest work to date in its beauty, refined standard and wholesome integrity.

If there is any in this piece that IS you and yours then I for one am in love with the very soul of your writing.

heartfelt,
LisaB

thanks Lisa.
this poem is one that was in fact conceived while walking at night with a half moon in the sky and a wind blowing.Everything here is non fiction so to speak.The first draft was not half as good. what you are reading now is the result of some help that i received. I agree with what you said about it being the finest so far.
I cannot thank you enough for the comment that you left.It made me very happy.

I love how this makes me feel.

thanks for your visit and kind comment,Adelle

appreciate it.

Thanks very much Aish.
appreciate your reading and kind comment.
I did have some good help on this one.

Thank Hugh very much!  
I've made the line breaks that you suggested and i will try and think of a harder hitting end line.  
IT was good of you to visit and great of you to take the time to make them suggestions.  
 
p.s  
 
Australia-- Beaten  
 USA     -- Beaten  
 RUS     -- Beaten  
Italy    -- Beaten  
Quarter finals!!

thanks,alip!
the last line was more of a personal thing,i can see it's shortcomings though and i will sort it at some stage.


all i can say is this;
when the Boks knock the wallabies out I will sit a bit easier. Wales wont be an easy game on saturday.

and in lines with the poetries in such a romantic category. However, I am lil bit distracted to the core theme of romance which I think has been attempted to intensify with the following lines and I must admit you failed to do so:
"I made these lines -- worthy of the finest Victorian sonnet    
progressed to something like a song from a western vagabond    
you should have been there, it was a perfect melody"  
I am sorry if I am harsh with such perfect craftism of yours but still then I poured in with this thoughts.

thanks anando.
it's a hard one to explain them lines.
I guess you either get them or you don't, thats not to say anything about your skills as a reader.
I s'pose for me, the core of the theme would be "you should have been there"
thanks for your input, you have given me something to think about.

haha! maybe i should get Mr Peanut to grow a mustache and do a recital:)
not entirely sure what Dude looks like a lady means, though i like the song.
I am going to assume that you were referring to my ability to tap into my sensitive side:)  
thanks LA !

all i can say is bravo....i no she wishes she had ben der....lol

thanks goodest

"i no she wishes she had ben der"

your sister told you then?  :)

wat, no little poem? are you saying my poem did not give you any urge to write a short poem.

ah ha....i c u got jokes...lol
& i was kinda busy wit dat comment i rote
& as 4 my sis take her pls
shes a big girl...she can handle herself wit ease....lol

What can I say that hasn't already been said, it's exquisite.

 Duncan , thanks man!

i don't think anyone has said exquisite or amazing when commenting on something i wrote.

you are too kind, thanks again for dropping in and leaving your thoughts.

Mr Alptraum.

Very pleased you liked this little number.

Thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts man.

wow, LA  a chara  Go raibh maith agat .


Thanks lots for your visit. A huge honor to make your reading list.

too kind you are.

LA,Your affection for this piece pleases me no end.

I thank you with the up-most sincerity