....alL TimE lOw....

The feeling rushes through my body. Its intoxicating. Puts a buzz on my brain and dares me to think straight. But im not fighting the haze. And im not fighting my fate.  
     Im not ready to let go yet. But the liquid death sprawled out on the desk screamed out my name. The needle I dont recall grabbing promised to end my pain. I couldnt resist. o what a shame. Im ending it all. Im done playing roulette with my life. Finally, ill allow the bullet to end the game.  
     Now just a little push to drive me to the edge. A little courage to help me pull the trigger. id like it to be the last thing I feel. Im halfway believing im brave enough to kill. Im visualizing the trigger being pulled and the blood that it will spill. Leaving my body lifeless on the carpet. Pain my heart no longer will feel.  
     A feeling of nothing I welcome into this room. A release of darkness, so much I could hardly consume. The pain that was forced inside, tears that ive non-willingly cried, how much I wish I wouldve died, that night you came and stole my life.  
      Where did that night go. It ended me with no more reason to be. And you, a swollen ego.  
      for this last minute,      im no longer scared. Everyone was unaware. I know you'll think it isnt fair. Its not that im running, I just find it hard to care.  
     I cock the gun. O what have I done. Ive never come this far, although im ready to jump. The gun rests easy on my teeth, while being baptized by my tears. Goodbye to 21 years. I close my eyes tight, and sit motionless with fright, as I hold on to one last breath, before pulling the trigger and welcoming death.