deepundergroundpoetry.com
Liar Liar
Tongue twisted
Burning in this heat
No saviour can help
Because I’m tangled in my own web of lies
I can never be trusted
This is my life
I’m all alone
Burning in this heat
No saviour can help
Because I’m tangled in my own web of lies
I can never be trusted
This is my life
I’m all alone
Published 31st Jul 2011
| Edited 2nd Aug 2011
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likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Aug 2011 8:28pm
nicely done Mr Reyus.
yes a good poem all in, if i had any little nit it would be the last line, i think you would have a good finish with "i am alone"
that said, i enjoyed the read.
fair play!
yes a good poem all in, if i had any little nit it would be the last line, i think you would have a good finish with "i am alone"
that said, i enjoyed the read.
fair play!
2nd Aug 2011 8:34pm
thanks Eamon, glad you liked the poem, you suggest i get rid of the final line?
2nd Aug 2011 8:44pm
well it's only a suggestion but yes, i think ending with "i am alone" would have a better impact.
it is a short poem and you do have the end line already a few lines up.
it is a short poem and you do have the end line already a few lines up.
2nd Aug 2011 8:54pm