deepundergroundpoetry.com
We were supposed to be angels together.....
As I watch over her,
I wish I was in existance,
Life with her,
Before now was perfect,
Why would I of wanted to leave this,
Every morning she reaches for me,
I only wish I was there,
To make her smile,
And Love her,
Completely without regret.
I watch her throughout her day,
Knowing she senses my presence,
Making her upset is the last thing I want,
But I cannot stay away,
She was the best thing about me.
The evening seems to fly by,
As I watch her beauty grace the world,
Trying to keep a straight face,
And hide the pain,
That she cannot escape.
Evening fades to night,
And her day is almost done,
She cannot sleep,
And it kills me,
Not being able to comfort her,
She finally drifts off,
Into her tortured dream world,
For as I gently lean over and kiss her,
I know this wasn't how it was meant to be,
We were supposed to be angels together.....
I wish I was in existance,
Life with her,
Before now was perfect,
Why would I of wanted to leave this,
Every morning she reaches for me,
I only wish I was there,
To make her smile,
And Love her,
Completely without regret.
I watch her throughout her day,
Knowing she senses my presence,
Making her upset is the last thing I want,
But I cannot stay away,
She was the best thing about me.
The evening seems to fly by,
As I watch her beauty grace the world,
Trying to keep a straight face,
And hide the pain,
That she cannot escape.
Evening fades to night,
And her day is almost done,
She cannot sleep,
And it kills me,
Not being able to comfort her,
She finally drifts off,
Into her tortured dream world,
For as I gently lean over and kiss her,
I know this wasn't how it was meant to be,
We were supposed to be angels together.....
Published 6th Jul 2011
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6th Jul 2011 11:38am
a haunting poem sir.
there is no real advice i can give you here. it all seems fine and reads well.you have certainly spent time on the punctuation and structure e.t.c
a fine write!
there is no real advice i can give you here. it all seems fine and reads well.you have certainly spent time on the punctuation and structure e.t.c
a fine write!
6th Jul 2011 11:47am
Many thanks Eamon, From a great poet such as yourself a positive review is most welcome, I try my best with structure etc. . . but know I still need work, When inspiration strikes I write is a great outlet.
7th Jul 2011 00:44am
You sure are a talented writer, anyone who reads this can see it, just the subtleness of the story e.g "As I watch over her,
I wish I was in existance,
Life with her," Lets the reader feel the emotions. Aposed to if you were less discriptive and said something like " I'm in heaven, watching over her, I hate to see her in pain". You hint towards it and create a whole different aspect of emotions for the audience to grasp, and that sir is a great writer :) Keep up the great work!
I wish I was in existance,
Life with her," Lets the reader feel the emotions. Aposed to if you were less discriptive and said something like " I'm in heaven, watching over her, I hate to see her in pain". You hint towards it and create a whole different aspect of emotions for the audience to grasp, and that sir is a great writer :) Keep up the great work!