deepundergroundpoetry.com
Walls
Hands overhead,
wholly missing your
place between my
covers, our bed.
Tensing, and teasing,
rising, falling. Breaths
like shadows bloom
on the ceiling.
What more do I need
to affix your body here?
Step by step by step,
gravel snapping, tongues
twisting, fingers biting
prints across bare thighs.
Brads, tacks, and screws
pinching. Renting themselves
from our humid walls.
wholly missing your
place between my
covers, our bed.
Tensing, and teasing,
rising, falling. Breaths
like shadows bloom
on the ceiling.
What more do I need
to affix your body here?
Step by step by step,
gravel snapping, tongues
twisting, fingers biting
prints across bare thighs.
Brads, tacks, and screws
pinching. Renting themselves
from our humid walls.
Published 5th Jul 2011
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likes 4
reading list entries 1
comments 3
reads 557
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
5th Jul 2011 10:11am
I think the rhyme you use in the first and second verse creates this comforting, but at the same time almost claustrophobic sense of being wrapped up and confined between those walls, which I liked a lot. The way you move from "...my covers, our bed." reminds me of this line from Carol Ann Duffy's poem Mrs Midas:
"...Then watched/as he picked up the glass, goblet, golden chalice, drank."
It's like a little progression which allows you to see something from different perspectives.
"...Then watched/as he picked up the glass, goblet, golden chalice, drank."
It's like a little progression which allows you to see something from different perspectives.
6th Jul 2011 6:53am
my self-clinching captive threaded fasteners fail me.
(have permanently pierced and riveted to my reading list)
(have permanently pierced and riveted to my reading list)
6th Jul 2011 9:22am
Thank you!!! :D This is my first official "erotic" poem so glad I could stir something other than a McDonald's milkshake, haha.
