Tell Me To Let Go

This waiting is putting holes inside of me
it is my choice, my paradox
but I cannot turn away from it.
No. Instead I let it consume me
this fire is not one of passion
it is a painful thing.
I want to believe your lies,
more than anything I want to believe in you.
I let your words reside and turn them into ignorant truths.
I let them because I love you.
I lie to myself because I love you.
Does this not hurt you?
To see me completely broken at your feet?
When did I become so weak?
You did this.
I let you.
I have created hope from nothing,
a little piece of a miracle that I so desperately cling to
even though I do not believe in miracles.
How did this happen?
I might not be like the ones you envy
but I am worth so very much to you.
I'm sorry if I took more than I gave,
but I love you, more than anything I love you.
Tell me not to believe.
Tell me to let go of my manufactured miracles.
Tell me goodbye, forever.
Just push as hard as you can
because I don't even know what Im fighting for.
This waiting is putting holes inside of me.