This Fucking Hurts

I can't stand this fucking pain
this ache without a choice
there is no longer any solace here
and I'm left without a voice

I'm fighting now to stay grounded
when all I want is to run
to bury this chapter and leave you behind;
the death of the undone 

I clutch desperately at my chest
terrified of the painful clarity
I wish that I could tear out my heart
so the world would see the severity

I have been here before
and I have cried away your kiss
I am not a stranger to pain and loss
but never before has it hurt like this

My insecurities are overwhelming
I didn't even know they existed
I can no longer fake a smile for you
hope dangled and I couldn't resist it

I'm left to wonder about his charm
and if he is feeding you candied lies
I just want to know if your smile is real now
and is it worth our fucking goodbye's?