deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sorry
Sorry im not perfect. Sorry for what i cant do.
Sorry im not happy. Sorry im not you.
Sorry im here. Sorry im not gone.
Sorry you dont care for me. Sorry when im wrong.
Sorry im outspoken. Sorry i dont share.
Sorry i dont need you. You were never there.
Sorry i gave up quickly. Sorry that i quit.
Sorry i didnt try. Sorry, you didnt care a bit.
Sorry your not the one. Sorry it didnt work out.
Sorry we're not right for each other. Sorry, i had my doubts.
Sorry, you didnt please me. Sorry you weren't right.
Sorry we went downhill. All we did was fight.
Sorry i cant trust you. Sorry, you haven't changed.
Sorry i dont want to risk it. Sorry you're still the same.
Sorry but it's your fault. Sorry you made me cry.
Sorry im sick of your mistakes. Sorry but all you did was lie.
Sorry isnt enough this time. Sorry ive made up my mind.
Sorry you ruined everything. Sorry i was so blind.
Sorry im not happy. Sorry im not you.
Sorry im here. Sorry im not gone.
Sorry you dont care for me. Sorry when im wrong.
Sorry im outspoken. Sorry i dont share.
Sorry i dont need you. You were never there.
Sorry i gave up quickly. Sorry that i quit.
Sorry i didnt try. Sorry, you didnt care a bit.
Sorry your not the one. Sorry it didnt work out.
Sorry we're not right for each other. Sorry, i had my doubts.
Sorry, you didnt please me. Sorry you weren't right.
Sorry we went downhill. All we did was fight.
Sorry i cant trust you. Sorry, you haven't changed.
Sorry i dont want to risk it. Sorry you're still the same.
Sorry but it's your fault. Sorry you made me cry.
Sorry im sick of your mistakes. Sorry but all you did was lie.
Sorry isnt enough this time. Sorry ive made up my mind.
Sorry you ruined everything. Sorry i was so blind.
Published 7th Jun 2011
| Edited 5th Aug 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 3
comments 24
reads 369
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
7th Jun 2011 10:15pm
7th Jun 2011 10:16pm
7th Jun 2011 10:16pm
7th Jun 2011 10:16pm
7th Jun 2011 10:29pm
7th Jun 2011 10:40pm
since most of the lines read fine without the
"sorry"; you could try taking all the "sorry"'s
out and adjusting the few lines that depend on the word.
Anonymous
- Edited 5th Apr 2021 9:35am
7th Jun 2011 10:50pm
<< post removed >>
7th Jun 2011 10:59pm
I understand.
But my whole concept of the poem was about sorry. But ill try to change it. [; Thanks.
But my whole concept of the poem was about sorry. But ill try to change it. [; Thanks.
I totally disagree with that^ Repetition can be very important for rhythym espescially in this sort of poem and as the reader I very much enjoyed it! I undertsand you could change it up a bit like:
I apologise for not being perfect
Sorry for what I can't do
I REALLY wish I was happy
But sorry I'm just not you
etc etc though if I was you I wouldn't. This is a brilliant poem, Keep it up =)
I apologise for not being perfect
Sorry for what I can't do
I REALLY wish I was happy
But sorry I'm just not you
etc etc though if I was you I wouldn't. This is a brilliant poem, Keep it up =)
8th Jun 2011 1:40am
7th Jun 2011 11:25pm
I like skinnyjean's alteration idea even though she didn't recommend it for you, it seems to suit the tone and level you're working on. If you didn't go for that, I would follow the advice of the two pretty established, experienced poets that have offered advice: Just my two pence.
7th Jun 2011 11:37pm
The repetition really threw me off, and I wouldn't call this the proper way of using the repition method.
There are many different words that could substitute 'sorry'.
However, this is a relatable poem and that I enjoyed.
There are many different words that could substitute 'sorry'.
However, this is a relatable poem and that I enjoyed.
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 6:01pm
8th Jun 2011 1:47am
<< post removed >>
8th Jun 2011 1:52am
No you didnt come off mean at all. I really appreciate it. And thank you for helpnig. I am not an experienced write AT ALL. So i apologize for making these mistakes, as you can see im just exploring myself and abilities. I have other poems that im going to submit that dont use repetition. And i honestly think that your right and the repetition drains the actual meaning. And bores the poem. I knoe that i can write very emotionally and meaningful things and i have to start by not repeating as much. So thank you for your help. ;]
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 6:01pm
8th Jun 2011 2:01am
<< post removed >>
8th Jun 2011 2:03am
8th Jun 2011 3:21am
Hmmm strong arguement and I also must agree, the thing with repetition is you need to either change it up a bit throughout the poem, or focus on more than one area. Or maybe build it up to one point, although I'm pretty sure the last two lines are pretty well set out to the rest of the poem. You see there have been hundreds probably thousands of "I'm sorry" poems as there are of sadness love and heartbreak and yadayadayada. I won't ramble on too much. The point is to make yours stand out in the crowd. But wow, your just a starting out poet and to me that is pretty darn good, poetry's an art, it grows on you and grows with you. And just look at the comments you've got on this one! I still don't advise you to change it because it's already written. Taking appart something you've created is pointless when you can start off new. Get a blank piece of paper and have at it! I look forward to reading more xx
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 6:01pm
8th Jun 2011 6:33am
<< post removed >>
8th Jun 2011 9:08pm
Thank you. ;] And these are actually my only two poems that i repeat like this. I have other poems that dont repeat and i will sumbit them. But thanks for the advice.! ;D
8th Jun 2011 4:01am
Same as I said on your other poem. Not a fan of repeat words.. I don't think it's a very strong poem. I'm sorry. You have something. You just have to practice more. Read more poems.
8th Jun 2011 4:06am
im not perfect. for what i cant do.
I'm not happy. I'm not you.
im here. im not gone.
you dont care for me.
im outspoken. i dont share.
i dont need you. you were never there.
i gave up quickly. that i quit.
i didnt try. you didnt care a bit.
your not the one. it didnt work out.
we're not right for each other. i had my doubts.
you didnt please me. you weren't right.
we went downhill but all we did was fight.
i cant trust you. you haven't changed.
i dont want to risk it. your still the same.
but it's your fault. you made me cry.
im sick of your mistakes. but all you did was lie.
isnt enough this time. ive made up my mind.
you ruined everything. Sorry i was so blind.
I'm not happy. I'm not you.
im here. im not gone.
you dont care for me.
im outspoken. i dont share.
i dont need you. you were never there.
i gave up quickly. that i quit.
i didnt try. you didnt care a bit.
your not the one. it didnt work out.
we're not right for each other. i had my doubts.
you didnt please me. you weren't right.
we went downhill but all we did was fight.
i cant trust you. you haven't changed.
i dont want to risk it. your still the same.
but it's your fault. you made me cry.
im sick of your mistakes. but all you did was lie.
isnt enough this time. ive made up my mind.
you ruined everything. Sorry i was so blind.
Anonymous
8th Jun 2011 9:14pm
Agree with some of the sentiment above, you can become repetitious with your repetition. When over-used it takes away from the poem in my opinion. Repetition is a powerful poetic device but it's really easy to abuse.
I have to confess I haven't even read the original poem. I did however read GG's edited version with all the sorry's removed. It's actually not too bad.
I think your poem would have a lot more power if you started out with "sorry" and ended with "sorry" such that the last line reads "you ruined everything. I was so blind. <new line> Sorry."
I have to confess I haven't even read the original poem. I did however read GG's edited version with all the sorry's removed. It's actually not too bad.
I think your poem would have a lot more power if you started out with "sorry" and ended with "sorry" such that the last line reads "you ruined everything. I was so blind. <new line> Sorry."
10th Jun 2011 5:20pm
I think your use of repetition works here, Amandaa, though I wouldn't overuse the technique. One tiny alteration I would suggest would be in the line: 'Sorry we went downhill. Sorry, but all we did was fight.'
I'd leave out the 'but', it just adds one syllable too many IMO. I think the line flows better without it. But nice piece, anyway.
I'd leave out the 'but', it just adds one syllable too many IMO. I think the line flows better without it. But nice piece, anyway.
25th Mar 2013 7:45pm