Sorry.

I know we've lost touch lately,
more like the last four years or so.
It makes me tremble thinking about it.
I love you, you should know; I tell you daily.
But I wish I could show you more.
Pushing you away, I don't like you seeing me hurt.
I am really, really hurt. and I can only fix myself.
But, God, I just want to be coddled.
Growing older, I'm not sure how much more coddling I will get from you in this lifetime. 
I'm sorry.
I should clean my hair more often, go to school maybe once a week, and do more than drown in my self pity.
And I swear to God, I will.
I'll give you a reason to be proud, just wait and see.
Because you are my reason, and I must repay.
It's time to grow up.
I am well aware you won't be here forever.
So nows the time to fix this stand still relationship. 
Thank you so much for not giving up on me when everyone else had, for loving my unconditionally when no one else does, thank you, thank you, oh and, I love you, mom.