deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Hobbyist
He never amounted to much
His passion more like an undercurrent
than a fire
Quiet
Kept to himself
Read a lot
Paper boats on the water's surface
He felt he had much to offer
But the world turns even when yours
is sitting still
Muscles ache
Children grown
Tiny cuts to show
Paper yellows in the sunlight
He would sometimes look back
Knowing only in hindsight
What was opportunity
Bargain hunting
For his hobby
Another pad to fold
But folded cranes never fly
His passion more like an undercurrent
than a fire
Quiet
Kept to himself
Read a lot
Paper boats on the water's surface
He felt he had much to offer
But the world turns even when yours
is sitting still
Muscles ache
Children grown
Tiny cuts to show
Paper yellows in the sunlight
He would sometimes look back
Knowing only in hindsight
What was opportunity
Bargain hunting
For his hobby
Another pad to fold
But folded cranes never fly
Published 24th May 2011
| Edited 23rd May 2012
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 0
comments 13
reads 251
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
24th May 2011 7:01pm
A fine piece. The opening stanza is a triumph. The second fallows suite nicely. My only criticism would be the three lines before the finale. Thoroughly enjoyed.
27th May 2011 8:24pm
That was my concern as well but just two lines, not the three. Not sure what to do yet, still. I'll let it simmer for a bit.
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 11:51pm
25th May 2011 00:20am
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
27th May 2011 7:52pm
I actually disagree with the \'an\' being put there..
\'\'Knowing only in hindsight
What was opportunity\'\'
Seems more \'open\' than if \'an\' was in there.
Maybe i am reading it a little differently at that part but to me it is perfect as it is
\'\'Knowing only in hindsight
What was opportunity\'\'
Seems more \'open\' than if \'an\' was in there.
Maybe i am reading it a little differently at that part but to me it is perfect as it is
27th May 2011 8:23pm
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 9:40pm
28th May 2011 5:39am
<< post removed >>
Hooked me from line one and kept my brain swirling the entire way through. Nice piece dude.
22nd Jun 2011 2:13am
Anonymous
- Edited 17th May 2018 1:37pm
28th Jun 2011 4:30am
<< post removed >>
30th Aug 2011 2:43am
i am dign dat selection mr mad....i hav ritten on everything from notebooks 2 cardboard 2 bank slips....real talk....a tru riter wil rite on anything he can find at dat moment of inspiration....gr8 work....
Anonymous
- Edited 20th May 2020 11:37am
2nd Oct 2011 9:05am
<< post removed >>
25th Dec 2011 8:37am
PierreTheMad
Bows!
It will take its time.
To sink. To mix. To recombine.
Powerful.
Curtsy,
S'
Bows!
It will take its time.
To sink. To mix. To recombine.
Powerful.
Curtsy,
S'