a moment of perfection

I wonder
too often
which of my organs
I’ll choose to shoot
when the time comes
to shoot one
 
maybe the lungs
though they only ever brought me
pleasure
from the very first toke
of life
 
and the rest
the organs
with names like countries
or curries
those bit players
mere regulators
and injectors
of essentials
insulin
adrenalin
serotonin
 
pawns
in a larger game
they deserve no blame
or bullet
 
the choice then
is between
heart
and brain
either of which
would take destruction
equally well
 
the heart would be
so elegant a choice
loaded
poetic
 
but really it’s just a pump
thump
thump
and in the end
just another slave
 
so
I’ll blow away
the grey stuff
between my ears
 
the beauty of which
is that such thoughts
are proof
of its defects
suicidal Q.E.D
 
that organ
of my mental creeping
of my malaise
will execute itself
leaving my body
my blameless bloody body
alone
briefly
for once
 
a moment of perfection
honest freedom
 
mindless