Deathly Pain

Thanks so much Jack I wasn't sure about this one but I really needed to get it out. Thanks again!

Wow i've read all of your poems and i think they are truely amazing.
You have such a talent.
Your poems are all filled with emotion and feelings, each and every one of them.
I love that i can relate to them, also.
Great job.
Keep going!
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Thanks so much I really appreciate it, I've had a bit of a writing lapse recently but hopefully I'm coming back.

The second line immediately set off my PCA, poetic cliche alarm.  I was thinking to myself "uh oh, here we go.  Another dull poem with the same old stuff".  Thankfully you were able to break out of that.  I'd personally still consider avoiding the use of that line, but that's just me.

I'd still like to feel more of that deathly pain if possible.  You built the poem up with the description of having a best friend, brother, boyfriend, father (didn't really get much from "Master" other than domination or kinky S&M, sorry), but then I felt the poem slid a little and you lost some momentum. I feel like there's a better word for "master" if you're trying to evoke feelings of a strong, guiding hand.

It felt like (and I could be totally wrong here), you knew exactly what you wanted to say but in your despair forgot to put it into words while you were in the moment of (writing) the poem (if that makes any sense).

Oh and I think you meant "bear" on line 5.

Definitely some positives to take from this poem in terms of construction and execution, but it could be stronger.  Hope you find this helpful.

Your assessment of the word Master is spot on it's what it refers to as that is the relationship I have with the person I refer to in this poem. Thank you though for the rest of your critique unfortunately I know what you mean I was very depressed when I was writing this. It was the day I found out I could lose him at any point and I was trying to get my feelings out and calm down