deepundergroundpoetry.com
Where Were You?
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your soothing touch
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your soothing hug
If you were here just an hour ago
If you were here when I needed you so
I wouldn't have commited this terrible crime
There wouldn't be blood trickling down my spine
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your calming laugh
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your calming smile
If you were here just an hour ago
If you were here when I needed you so
I wouldn't have commited this terrible crime
There wouldn't be blood trickling down my spine
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your settling eyes
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your settling style
If you were here just an hour ago
If you were here when I needed you so
I wouldn't have commited this terrible crime
There wouldn't be blood trickling down my spine
WHERE WERE YOU
Where were you when I needed your soothing touch
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your soothing hug
If you were here just an hour ago
If you were here when I needed you so
I wouldn't have commited this terrible crime
There wouldn't be blood trickling down my spine
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your calming laugh
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your calming smile
If you were here just an hour ago
If you were here when I needed you so
I wouldn't have commited this terrible crime
There wouldn't be blood trickling down my spine
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your settling eyes
Where were you
Where were you when I needed your settling style
If you were here just an hour ago
If you were here when I needed you so
I wouldn't have commited this terrible crime
There wouldn't be blood trickling down my spine
WHERE WERE YOU
Published 15th Apr 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
15th Apr 2011 9:43pm
I feel like this one makes too much use of repetition. Repeating words and lines is a good way to tie a poem together, but there are only six words in this entire poem that aren't repeated. Perhaps rearranging the lines so that the "hour ago/needed you so/terrible crime/down my spine" lines aren't repeated so often, or rewording some of the lines so they aren't so heavily copied from one to the other?
20th Jan 2012 2:00am
i thought the repetition really accented the story and acted as the spine of the word. if you've ever been in a state like this you really find yourself repeating the same phrases over and over.
overall it really was a beautiful write
overall it really was a beautiful write
