The love of a mother

They say the love of a mother is,
Like no other.
But what about the lies of a mother?
What about the shitty nights,
Spent wondering why the fuck you have to go through this.

I put the blade to my wrist,
But I know it's not even worth it.
Because she can hurt me,
But what's the point in hurting myself.
To scar my already scarred skin,
Add to the pain,
Add to the ugly.

I will cry my eyes out,
Before bed,
After.
But I will not let her see.
I will not let her know of my pain,
Because it will bring her pain.
And the love of a mother is much greater than any other,
But I cannot fathom love,
When all I receive from her is pain.

I will not let her receive my pain,
Because I know it will break her down,
So I suck it up and let her break me even more.
Because I have time to be put back together.
But she won't