Evil Thoughts

Everyone tells me i'm nice and very kind but they obviously don't know what goes on in my fucked up mind having violent thoughts about killing a bitch, and fucking her lifeless body before it rotts. This fucked up thought came to me when I was just eight before I knew the meaning of the word masturbate. Sometimes I wish I could walk, but then I realise that it would shorten my life clock. The good thing about me being paralysed is that i'm incapable of doing life, for decapitating someone with a rusty pocket knife. I try to distract myself from these dark, and evil thoughts but nothing seems to work. Except for weed, and a bong with a double perc. I tried talking about it but everyone just judges me that's why I wanna die, so I can end my evil thoughts without needing to get high.