Dandelion Wishes

she had so many
wishes
always the dreamer
with a wild imagination
of flying
with the clouds
climbing
the tallest tree
the highest mountain
those feelings of invincibility
that anything and everything was possible

she wishes
she had made her parents proud
of even her smallest accomplishments
parents who showed a
remote interest in anything
she cared about

she wishes
she had had
teachers who did not embarrass her
in front of the entire class
because for some reason
things did not come as easily to her
as her sister

she wishes
she had more
teachers who recognized her strengths
and helped her hone those special skills
that brought excitement into their eyes
and parents who listened to those
teachers instead of closing the door in
their faces
because they had already
decided for her
what she should
be when she grew up

she wishes
she could have chosen
other people to raise her
in her mind...
her mom was  beautiful
warm, happy, fun, loving,
strong, independent,
and free
she had a dad that listened,
not just talk to her, but
really listen
and believe in her
and her dreams even if he
didn't agree with them
to allow her to make mistakes
and grow from them, not shelter her
from everything on the outside,
making those life lessons so much
harder

she wishes
she had had
someone she could have confided in
to share her thoughts, dreams, laughter,
fun craziness, the good, the bad, and the ugly

she wishes
she could turn the clock back
to the time when she told her dad
she had cold feet about the whole
marriage thing
that he had heard the trepidation
instead he ran her down that aisle

she wishes
her mom
had been there for her then
the biggest most important day of her life
instead she was in the hospital recovering
from an almost fatal overdose
on what was supposed to be
the happiest day of her life
a dark shapeless shadow
hung over her family
because they were the only ones
who knew

she wishes
her whole childhood
had not been built around
secrets, hushed silences,
fears, disappointments, anger
and so many betrayals they
thought she did not see

she wishes
she had been a better
listener to that little voice
that sometimes whispered
sometimes screamed inside her head

she wishes
things did not fall apart
so horribly, here, now…leaving her
shattered, alone, doubting
everything and everyone around her
feeling like she has no one
surrounded yet alone

she wishes
to just be able to move on
with her life
she feels like she has leapt
into a shaft falling through time
back to when she was 18
when she had nothing
but the whole world in her hands
and her only decision was
what to do next

she wishes
she could just start all over
have all those same feelings
of excitement, the thrill
of the adventure
that is life
a long beautiful winding road
laid out before her
she can take wherever she wants
to accept the fear of the unknown
and just flow with it
having only herself to rely on

wait…..

some wishes
do come true