Life is a continuous cycle of once-terrifying things ...

What is going on around me?
I need some explanations fast
Am I being creative or just plain frightening?
Are people scared of me?
Because of what I can do
Or because of what they fear, I may do
Am I the driver or the passenger?
On this bus of my life
How do I know?
Where is my check and balance?
Where does my ticket take me?
Why do I need a ticket for my own life?
Shall I toss it away or hand it in
Be lawful or reckless and hang the consequences
Can I really do this or am I about to fall on my face
Am I right in my conviction?
Or have I blindsided myself not for the first time
Am I entering or leaving phases of hypomania
It is waxing or waning?
About to be replaced by a terrifying bout of major depression
Where the hell am I
Looking forward
Looking back
Is there a hood on my head?
Am I dreaming?
Are my feet on the ground?
Am I oriented in time and space?
Do I have to be oriented in time and space?
Am I free to think?
Should I shut the fuck up?
Be silent in the face of raging injustice
Will my underlying brain damage
Prevent me from seeing that life is going badly wrong
Is my life going badly wrong?
Does the mess in my life have to become gross?
For me to see it
Is my life really a mess?
Am I in denial?
Of madness
Or genius
How the hell am I to know?
A normal person would know
But I am no normal person
I love being creative
It pleases me
I hate being depressed
It scares me
I live in the same world as you to all outwards appearances
But in my world, I am constantly asking questions
Do they see the same things I see?
Do they understand what is really going on?
A doctor would say the goal is to remain in contact with the reality as experienced by the rest of the world and thereby enable me to distinguish what is real and what amounts to considerable distortion of the truth.
It is easy to know when you are depressed or manic
Working out where the compass is pointing on the journey up or down
Is a real bitch?
The problem of distinguishing what is real has been evident since his acquired brain injury and is one of the major contributors to his failure and success in every aspect of life
What is going on around me?
I still need some explanations fast