deepundergroundpoetry.com
Breezy
I can taste the electricity in the air.
Wind moves through my hair
but doesn't stop.
Wind is odd.
It adapts to the solids in its path
and is always ready and willing to change.
It even adapts to the changes
other humans make.
Wind moves through my hair
but doesn't stop.
Wind is odd.
It adapts to the solids in its path
and is always ready and willing to change.
It even adapts to the changes
other humans make.
Published 2nd Sep 2014
| Edited 3rd Sep 2014
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3rd Sep 2014 00:10am
A couple of small suggestions: make change in verse 3 plural ("changes/other humans make") and remove verse 4, because it's too much of a summation and didactic for an easygoing, upbeat poem like this.
I liked "Breezy". It's a fun, frivolous and intelligent poem, which feels like a long walk down a street on a bright but breezy summer day.
I liked "Breezy". It's a fun, frivolous and intelligent poem, which feels like a long walk down a street on a bright but breezy summer day.
3rd Sep 2014 00:40am
Ah, thank you for the suggestions and comment. I truly appreciate the feedback.
Cheers,
MC
Cheers,
MC
