i'm already sorry (for my mista j)

 

i could be your harley quinn
if you let me,
absinthe green tonic & gin
your grin
is melting my castle walls
i built to keep everyone out
decapitated mirrored labyrinthine halls
dilapidated chambers set with hell door traps and ivy vines
if your blood is poison
set me up a tap
i must be thriving jade divine
entwined
with your stayed madness
immune or hell scent,
catatonic hypnotic
and sweating bullets

entranced by our sanitarium spent days clustered fucking lunacy
and how it dances me around a ballroom, chessboard floors
there is no queen without her king
king without a jester to bemuse him, tickling his beard, guards slain and speared, his grimm last days counted and cheshire cat eared,
there is no bride without her fickle groom, freakshow traveling witch without her broom
rage quitting asylum angels' wings
smearing your sickle cell ceiling
with the blood that sings
for the dearly departed of the sainted and lost sheep of a spider strung city
without sleep

I'm beheading gods for you  
and minotaurs, juggling their heads to make you smile,
so full of denial,
dangling crystal stars, scattered like pie crumbs
to bait a bat's mouth
because i'm the only one that still dreams,
unlocked by your screams turned laughter
resounding echoes in the hollow depths of my cranium
i was an oxy snorting moron before i met you
but heckling
spades always trump hearts
torn apart by death's melancholy kiss, wrecking ball & chained bliss
something always remains amiss
until mistletoe and holly jingling bells
decked your halls, reminding you
of your true calling,
we're always fucking falling
into caves and holes
depraved of souls
mind rape me concentrated
while we escape
to our berated mad house of cards
where you can play with me
plot and getaway with me
mastermind our every plan
i'll defend you with my life
if i offend you, bend me of your lap, a grotesque display
that sometimes even schizophrenic villains need a slap back into a reality that doesn't exist without plot twists and sick twisted trysts made beneath a pierced lipped howling moon
i bequeath you
with the key to my
fairytales-are-dead menagerie, the apples are always smoke here, their seeds always choke where once they spoke of trees and growing, maybe together we can throw our shrieks and cackling into empty heads
crackling like leaves beneath our feet,
better off dead or unsaid maybe,
ventriloquists chewing and spitting lead warp pipes of avarice

would you mind getting the fuck out of my head so i can think alone for a few seconds?

seraphic stoned and holographic,
my vaguely pornographic
whore brain spilling down the drain
of our hall of blame & old flames psychopathic
still frames, psychic sidekicking
tricksing and treating
shared & precious depression
you've wormed your way into my intestines,
our demons might have been destined to mingle, shingling roofs with test tube dead babies
in need of someplace to crawl scrawling scribbled lines that don't rhyme
but always know the rhythm of pain, of absence
soaked up without a trace
effervescent raptured outer space cadets in rasping riddling rhapsody in lace
minor accidentals
turned into fatal wasting blows
because we both know
it's always prose before hos,
ripped hose and where you bury your rake
or hatchet's teeth

what is innocence? i forgot
but i can feign it
if you can fake it with me
shake me rattling on empty
make it rain our blasphemy

and our once upon a time selves into a less than bitter ending,
perhaps you are my imagination sent to save me,
a coma drug
meant to numb you, strum you a lullaby,
become your one good alibi
i just hope it's never ending
our nonsense blending
mending our many faces
no trace left



either way, i am yours
whether or not you'll be mine


or have me.....

puddin xo