Devil don't come cause I won't go (white noise)

The laws of Physics do allow for a fire in hell - exclusionary rules apply.  Be aware of what actually constitutes a flame; learn and be free. Pay attention to who is oppressing you in speaking out.  “Ideas of evolutionary change can be traced back to ancient Greek philosophers, and it persisted in the minds of scientist until it was documented by Darwin's passion. It still persists today, and between all these evolutionary ideas that are brought to light through known chemistry, laws of physics, and geology and so on and so forth - it can certainly be well enough explained.  People suffer cognitive dissonance. They suffer their own minds.”   I wrote that on Facebook last year on a friends comment line. At any rate, I have lived this life.  Thoughts come in all forms, and therefore all forms of language.  There are some that are written, and then there are some that you cannot see; you have to feel it with your senses.  If you cannot understand the laws of physics; the only real thing that is applied in nature, well, there’s always god to fall back on in awe and wonderment, or even thoughts of brutality in nature.   I use the language of each but it is well understood that I am an Atheist/Agnostic.  Atheists have nothing to do with religion, just as baldness has nothing to do with hair, or just as blackness is the complete void of color.  My Agnostic stance comes from a deep sense of my own spirituality – something within that is more than meets the eye; I think.  I feel it when I’m in tune with nature, when my insides meet the outside and I’m breathing it.  It is there when you put down all your books, all your human defenses to fight, combat, struggle, and war to be right, and you walk with nature as one.  It also comes from much study, and knowing thyself – never let anyone define who you are.                
             
I’m in college and so I’m going to talk a little about that, and as well, this will go along with the post I made yesterday, PTSD.  It is about me in open honesty.  I appreciate so many of you trying to understand me better, in that it helps me to better understand myself and write more about it.  But just to let you know I have no idea what I’m doing quite yet – I’m just trying to be a better writer, and grow with it some integrity.  It’s nothing that I dwell on.  And so I’ll just talk for a bit and then leave it alone and try and get back to some artistic expressions of poetry and sing along for interpretive eye dance and entertainment.  You see, that’s just my wit talking – please ignore it if you don’t understand it.  Another thing that you should ignore if you don’t understand is my sarcasm.              
             
Wit/Sarcasm - One comes from nature, and one comes from nurture.  Sarcasm is a defense mechanism that comes from:  dear god not again; is you shitting me mister...?  It is kept in a safe place to avoid high-kicks to the face.   And then when you come to terms with it, it can be used for entertainment to get you through the day.  I take it with me everywhere I go, but I use it sparingly.              
             
Wit/Sarcasm - Admittedly I lose track of which is which sometimes.   It comes from knowing (me) Guru; the witch which is the witchest.   That would be the study of Allan Watts; it is a gift that we find within ourselves, as writers and poets so often do.   It comes from many things, and many teachers.              
             
             
Arrogance:  And so that is the type of arrogance that bothers me.  There is the good and the bad.  It takes certain gusto in arrogance I should think to come here and do what I do with artistic expression.  And yet my solemn vow is that I’m not an arrogant person whatsoever.   I was just tired of a lot of things that kept happening in my life in one form or the other and had to call it quits and do what I needed to do.   I was getting way too old to be stepped on and stepped over time after time – my goodness being used, and then forgotten.   But this isn't about that.  I want to make a comparison for the sake of correction, and say that arrogance can be okay.  It’s how you look at things.  It is within intentions.              
             
There are two professors of English.  Comp I, and Comp II.                
             
I hated English I; I hate English anyway.  I took English I two summers ago in my first semester of college and just hated it.  For starters I shouldn't have taken an eight week course during the summer.  I was very vulnerable and naive when I first entered college.  I made it through though, but I vowed to never have that professor again.   Those are big assignments in rhetorical writing classes.   I didn't think he was too arrogant at the time – only religious and sly eyed.   You have to choose subjects, and like it or not you do get judged for your character, somewhat.   I turned in an opinion paper.  It was my opinion of religion – not good for religion.  The next class he walked in with a big white bible in his hand – holds it up high and makes this statement.   “This is not the only book that there is to learn from.”  It was loud and stated.  I wonder... did he plan that?              
             
My argument paper, a week and a half before that, was on the evolution and creationism debate.  It’s a hot topic within both the realms of religion and science opinion, and I just happened to be taking Biology down stairs at the time.  I wonder – if you cannot take the knowledge that you are actually learning in school, what is one to do with it?  The next class after I turned it in, he posed this scenario on the board:              
             
God = Peace            
God= War            
             
He asked us to choose.  I asked who’s god, I was ignored.   Nobody likes the real questions.   But that was then and this is now.              
             
I walked into Choir yesterday and these are some of his words written in italics; part of it anyway.              
             
WE will be invited to church to sing…            
             
Guess what’s sung about it church class (he says it like that because we’re all children, I suppose, and should be patronized as such) (I was guessing love right off the bat – but nooooo)            
             
That’s right class – Jesus.              
             
We have already heard from Atheist that was complaining last semester, and this is what will go.  WE are a choir you know.              
             
He said all these words and then some.  On and on and on            
             
Holy shit, god shut up, who gives a fuck what we’re singing about, god just get me out of here alive by next spring.   Get a load of this asshole I thought.   It’s as if he was heading me off at the pass, as if I actually gave a damn what we’ll be making noise about.                
             
 ♪ ♫ Devil don't come cause I won't go              
                                         it's too hot down there. ♪ ♫            
             
             
Bottom line is, is that guy's just a jerk who really thinks he's something. But I'll behave. I try anyway.      
     
I was raised in church and so what.  I like the hymns of swing low and in the garden.   It’s just whatever.  I just wanted him to shut the hell about Atheist.   He loves that word.   And that is all I am to him –the Atheist in some sort of a god delusion that likes to argue.  If you ask me, the religious people aren't worth arguing with.  This is what I say of religion, if Jesus or even a rock makes you a better person, by all means use it. Just keep your rocks in their place and out of my face.              
             
I can’t believe he’s my professor twice this semester. Choir and Public Speaking.  He used to have a roommate that was my friend for a short time as he was my tutor, that man is half-retarded on his views of nature, and fancies himself a science man.   I’m so tired of this town – and fucking school.  Deep-breath.  Yesterday I started the semester again.  This is my last year.  I have 15 credit hours to go with having 95 total at the end.  When I'm finished I'll have an Associate's degree Science, and one in Liberal Arts.                
             
Religion does not imply spirituality.  It implies God’s law of the thereafter.  It’s a done deal.  It is life with the road chosen.   I ask my friend:  If a lesbian or a gay man does not change their ways before death, what happens?  She answered, they go to hell, for they should have listened to god. She is under the impression that this is not her human doing in judgment.  It is already written; all the work in thinking is already done in duh Big Book.  They just sit back and pray – and they judge in the name of God.  They make people feel bad for who they are.  Because of the judgments, people that are viewed as living in sin live a life of silence, in where otherwise they could have been happy in acceptance, and lived a more fulfilled life.              
             
If you were to feel the other side with the conscious mind it would rip your human heart out. If you were to touch the other side with the slide of hand, it would shatter its mere image of existence because there is no pain where pain does not reside. This is spirituality to me: It is an essence of energy that exists in reality as an unconditional unity of the fullness that comes from within us each. There is no effort there, or indifference to speak of. There is nothing in this existence that is separate, or other than what it is. There is nothing further, or nothing past-tense. It is the full embodiment of self-awareness, and the acceptance of a felt presence of worthiness - it is the power of pure love. And when you judge it by name; then you are the one that becomes the judgment.  All fear subsides through knowledge, and through understanding of Self. For me it is Science. Science for a moment can make sense of the illusion and call it real; it is but a statement of truth found out.            
             
When I was two years old I was split open from the inside for an afternoon of babysitting; rapped over and over.   The pattern was repeated.  I had no language and the screams were ignored and I don’t want to play the blame game, nor talk about it or be pitied over it – I can speak about it only in a very matter of fact manner.  And I remember every moment of pain. That is a pain never forgotten.                
             
I remember as I was learning my ABS’s, that this would one day be my way of communicating, but by the time I could talk or write, the quieting shame had set it with the threats of killing me if I told anyone, and if or when he did kill me, he said, the devil was going to be waiting with his big dick bucket of fire and I’d burn forever and ever and ever.  Over and over – hell is children who believe it.   And so what was I to do?  I felt just as spiritual and good as a Christian with streets of gold waiting in heaven:   I learned physics and philosophy and biology and the history of where the rains came.   I learned what a billion years felt like as I tasted the silence forever and a day.  I learned the nature of man in all his brutality, and I forgave, and I didn't become stuck within a stereotypical existence, and I won’t apologize.   He was killed when I was six.  I remember how happy I was at his funeral, staring at him dead, and thinking how I never had to think about it again.  Writing isn't something that I just woke up one day and decided to do.  This is been my path since time began, my friend.    I have earned that place.              
             
The arrogance to write: It takes strength to go the distance.  My English Comp II professor said he was awesome in all his daringness, and you what?  He was, and he is, and I don’t even know him.  Except that he thinks I’m funny, he likes science, he knows that Richard Feynman rocks, and he didn't judge me for being, just an Atheist.  And this is the good thing about good teachers – you continue to learn from them; they too are left there forever as the stain.  Learn and be free.            
           
You'll find wonderful things in the things that you cannot see; when a Lemon isn't really yellow, you have to imagine the key is in the Lime pi. Sacred geometry connects all cosmology contained – this is the way, this is the light.    Nature will take you by surprise.  When you step outside your door, for instance, there will be a sudden soft wind in coolness that envelopes your senses; it was sent on that path just for you – that’s the secret to life.   Nobody really knows the secret, but it gives you the sweetest feeling of being alive.                
             
The Dream Of Life - Alan Watts            
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU0PYcCsL6o