Finding the truth within myself

So confused with all these problems
Trying to find the truth within myself
Unsure if it's hidden beneath my heart
Or if it's been there from the start
Keep telling myself to write down my intentions
Want to let my diary know what had been mentioned
But no,
I keep ignoring the healing of my soul
This stuff is good for me
But what should I do?
I buy myself guilt
Try to feel the pleasure of drinking coffee
Try to make myself feel better
Try to make myself be certain I will do the work
But I keep running away
Getting myself feeling more hurt
I'm not moving but I need to make a move
To make history of life a better one
Keep praying, praying to God
Listen to happy music
Remember why I'm doing this
Keep determined and ambitious
I can do anything to go far from here