What Was My Fate?

What if I acted just like a circus clown,
Looked like an idiot while I jumped up and down.
What if I acted just like an errant child,
Threw God awful tantrums and refused to smile

When I tore up my throat and began to shout,
What if I had of torn my lungs right out?
what if I had stumbled and started to slip,
What if I had began to fall and started to tip?

What if I had of killed myself five years ago,
Taken my life and stopped the flow.
What if I had of succeeded in dying that day,
When I tied my self to the roof and started to sway.

Would any of this made a difference in the end,
Would my heart have been able to mend?
Up there in heaven, or down there in hell,
Was my life ment to be like this, was I always gunna be that one who fell?