The Dying Cockroaches

   
   
   
The filthy little fuckers woke me up  
from my medicated Bundy rum coma  
I could hear them in my nightmares  
climbing up the fibro walls  
shooting shit like throwing flames  
thru an air of khaki haze  
writing in brown meaningless  
Chu Nom dribble  
dripping from my ceiling  
crawling 'round on claws  
crossfire over my black and white  
checkerboard lino floors  
scavenging in the mess  
piling up in the kitchen sink  
shadow hunting  
hiding in secret tunnels  
like bullets  
in chambers  
loaded  
patient  
messengers  
of everlasting death.  
   
   
Killing them means nothing to me  
I'll rain fire on their colonies  
crush them with full force  
listening to their bodies crackle  
under boots
and ablaze with flames  
I watch them die
while they're still twitching with life.     
   
   
Killing roaches didn't break me  
that's not why I deserted my mates.  
   
   
From a distance  
   
   
I followed orders  
I got the job done
I was dependable  
accurate  
senseless  
detached from the violence  
we inflicted from the seas  
they shot at us  
and we fired back  
wiping out specks
of brown and black  
on jungle shores
alive with insects  
grubs and roaches.  
   
   
I gather up the bodies  
put them in the fireplace  
along with the newspapers  
my uniform and medals  
passport and license  
my birth certificate, photos  
bank cards and bills  
I burn it all  
even the mailbox  
I won't need any of it no more  
all I need is my Zeppelin, Mary Jane  
my Combi and surfboards  
and a view of Jervis Bay from my window.  
   
   
And when I see HMAS Hobart's back from Nam  
the battleship ablaze on a napalm sunrise  
home safe in Aussie waters from her second tour  
I'll stand in front of my kitchen window  
with the filth crawling over my feet and hands  
while I watch the nightmares unravel  
flashbacks to 03:15 hours  
hearing my mates get ripped apart  
watching them die  
like roaches.
   
   
We were hit by a sparrow  
fired from a phantom  
in the dark  
under friendly fire.  
   
   
   
   
   
This poem was written for the "birth of the rebel" comp and is based on actual events during the Vietnam war in 1968.