When will I learn

I lift my head up, he's still sitting there.
I wonder if he would ever see me?
probably not, sitting there while I stare.
why wont he look over? why cant he see?
I did my hair up like this just for him,
I wonder if he ever notices?
The way I feel is such a beautiful sin,
my heart is locked up and he is the key.
He starts to look up, my heart starts to squirm,
his friend says something to him, he laughs hard
he is known for his big laughing brown eyes.
"hey faggot" he shouts, my heart turns to shards
"stop looking at me fag" tears start to burn,
everyone laughs at me, when will I learn