deepundergroundpoetry.com

Ribbons

I had ribbons around the sac of my heart,
They grew and tied me down in Fall River.
I laid connected for two days, a monitor followed me
Around the wing; I heard pings, eerie electronic bells
From machines that tied other people down.

Look at me there in the hospital bed in a hospital dress,
I'd might as well been home suffering; what mattered?
What's health compared to a two-year ache?
My lids would have drooped half down anyway
And I would have slept just as much, forget the drugs.

My heart hurt, it felt respiratory.
They could never give me enough pills or injections
For this. Of course I cared about the infection,
But if it wasn't for that I still would have had a bow
Neatly tied with huge loops still touching my lungs.

You tied the knot around me, smiling. I saw it in a picture.
It felt false, maybe it looked like that in the beginning
But now it's just wishful, like a plea. Never let go!
It hurt my arm, and mom cooled me off with a wet facecloth.
Why did you worry about me?

Why did you tie yourself so tightly around me?
Even in that building resting under the morphine
Towns from my town you were still holding my chest down.
The question followed me in the ambulance and asked itself
To the point I couldn't hear the medic; what do I have?

It isn't love, it isn't even an answer!
Walking around the room crying, holding my chest
Your tie constricting; it had me asking why!
Could I get a nurse? Do you have any scissors?
He's bulging right there! Get it from the side,

Let him loose finally, I'll stay awake for it; I want
To see him undone and done with me. Take every last
Thread and there better not be a shred left! Let my lungs move!
Can my heart beat its red without your head in the way?
Take that smile, wear your ribbons like reminders

And remember the relationship you tried to tie back together.
Don't worry about me, I'll be out in a few days.
I'll be comfortable watching my stitches dry over, and
They'll give me sleepy Tylenol so I can further ignore everything else;
I'll rest under the beeps. I won't dream about anything.