deepundergroundpoetry.com
cripple creek
although your shrink says you shouldn't
you still read this
mistaking the music for mileage
I can take the blame when it's due
I do confuse my shame for fuel
and might just not have the chops yet
to let the letters tell us their true names
so allow me simplicity in attempting these
was twenty miles down the path yesterday
the one between the river and its road
was twenty miles south of where
you would put three inches of cream into decaf
while I rolled a spliff and a cigarette
and we would walk a slow wake to the world
we must have held hands tenderly then
before our love found psychosis
we must have had edges in the same dream
before our delusions lost me your smile
it's not a want that has me scavenging
along these trails for its echo
nor is it a need to make sense
of whatever dysfunctional test
we clearly represent to one another
it is because we will always share the end of summer
and I remember exactly how the owls were perched
over the crocodile spine of clouds
in the lavender sky
on the night we extended the universe
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 10
reading list entries 3
comments 20
reads 158
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re: cripple creek
14th Jul 2014 12:23pm
re: Re: cripple creek
15th Jul 2014 1:35pm
Re: cripple creek
You won't think the intro as a love poem...nice twist to it with smart use of metaphors. I particularly love these lines:
"it's not a want that has me scavenging
along these trails for its echo"
Very smart and lovely ink!
@EngrVV
"it's not a want that has me scavenging
along these trails for its echo"
Very smart and lovely ink!
@EngrVV
0
re: Re: cripple creek
15th Jul 2014 1:36pm
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 10:07pm
14th Jul 2014 9:31pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: cripple creek
15th Jul 2014 1:38pm
Re: cripple creek
14th Jul 2014 11:10pm
re: Re: cripple creek
15th Jul 2014 1:40pm
plenty a memories and like walking...might as well throw a few wiggles at it
Thank you kindly
Thank you kindly
Re: cripple creek
14th Jul 2014 11:46pm
As the prosaic finds it's poetry in this you find your old love or the ghost of it but the feet are long gone from the steps retraced - very satisfying read - very skilled
0
re: Re: cripple creek
15th Jul 2014 1:41pm
Re: cripple creek
15th Jul 2014 3:24am
although your shrink says you shouldn't
you still read this
you know you had all the bad kids reading after that man.....
strong work cuzz.....
i would like if you replaced "lavender' though...
it's just too bed bath and beyond and stand out to me here....
gr8 piece i just don't like that word man..
it's a beneath you description of something i know you know you see well....
you still read this
you know you had all the bad kids reading after that man.....
strong work cuzz.....
i would like if you replaced "lavender' though...
it's just too bed bath and beyond and stand out to me here....
gr8 piece i just don't like that word man..
it's a beneath you description of something i know you know you see well....
0
re: Re: cripple creek
15th Jul 2014 1:44pm
Yeah that line has a cheap side to it... Wasnt laid as a gimmick tho...think it sneaks through
I hear ya on the lavender, been and am still thinkn over that
thanks big homie
I hear ya on the lavender, been and am still thinkn over that
thanks big homie
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 11:36am
15th Jul 2014 1:49pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: cripple creek
15th Jul 2014 3:27pm
El Be Eazy...yup still me.. lovely to see ya about!
Hmm... Yeah despite being a bit uncomfortable with that word (lavender) i still think it fits, and does round down some of the sharper sounds
Thank ya for that kind commentary
Hmm... Yeah despite being a bit uncomfortable with that word (lavender) i still think it fits, and does round down some of the sharper sounds
Thank ya for that kind commentary
Anonymous
- Edited 16th May 2018 11:39am
23rd Jul 2014 2:51pm
<< post removed >>
re: :)
24th Jul 2014 12:16pm
howdy Phoenix
Jeez, a lovely comment that leaves me tickled
Be a pleasure to chat more
Cheers!
Jeez, a lovely comment that leaves me tickled
Be a pleasure to chat more
Cheers!
Re: cripple creek
14th Aug 2014 4:55am
the poem runs like the old story of so and so and loss and nothing (like all life i suppose)and then the transcendent surprise(the owls were perched over the crocodile spine of clouds in the lavender sky on the night we extended the universe) that may just be enough to get us through.. thanks for putting us there in word
0
re: Re: cripple creek
14th Aug 2014 4:43pm
Re: cripple creek
25th Aug 2014 1:41pm
"while I rolled a spliff and a cigarette
and we would walk a slow wake to the world
we must have held hands tenderly then
before our love found psychosis
we must have had edges in the same dream
before our delusions lost me your smile"
and we would walk a slow wake to the world
we must have held hands tenderly then
before our love found psychosis
we must have had edges in the same dream
before our delusions lost me your smile"
0
re: Re: cripple creek
25th Aug 2014 1:45pm
and the close has me weeping....... i'm in absolute awe and wonder of this.. and a sullen understanding. i'm so sorry and so deeply touched... kourtnissixxx said i would love you. no kidding. color me an admirer.
x
x
0