innocents lost

I wish I could dress it up
with lingerie and lace
that the memory didn't reek
with cheap whiskey
and pain

I wish I could tell you
I was loved
worship
treasured
but it would be a lie

to say I didn't lay on
tearstained sheets
wishing I could take it back

they say it's a moment of transcendence
when a flower truly blooms
that it is a moment of bliss

All I can remember is tears running down my face
drinking a little whiskey to stave off the pain..
and the all to naive boy who was a man
who couldn't understand my tears...
thinking it was just the drink

I knew in that moment you can't go back
and for awhile I felt as if my stain was there
a scarlett letter on my breast
to bear

as If I was soiled
by the choice I'd made
as if in doing so
I'd been branded with that name

and with a child's pretty innocence I
tried to mend the pieces of my broken pride
but in the end I realized you can't turn back time..