this is how I'm feeling

I do not sleep
I know I'll find you in my dreams
I'm scared
I know if I do not speak my feelings
I will commit suicide
I cry as I write
I cut as I read
I'm eternally unhappy
I want a close friend
I want a family
But let's be honest
I can't have anything
When i don't even have a reality
I cannot speak my mind
Because honestly who's really listening?
Is anybody even out there
Does anyone even read these words I write?
Or am I just wasting my time?
I feel so abandoned
I feel so alone
Empty and sad
Broken and cold
In this depressing little home