deepundergroundpoetry.com
July 2nd 2014
I like to experiment with my pieces. I even made my own writing style. The one where no more words are used than needed. Like Wake Up. I actually made that piece in a very, very dark time in my life. I was, as always, questioning my reality. I couldn't help but think I was constantly dreaming. I would do some kind of harm to actually "Wake Up", every day. One time, I ended up in a hospital, then I wrote about it. Yeah... Still love that piece. Although, many see it as a break away from auto pilot or assimilation, which was also a goal but managed to work it's way into that piece. It was the first piece I ever wrote, and one of my favorites. It also influence the writing style I was talking about. I enjoy having just verbs, nouns or participles in my writings. It leaves a lot of room for someone to fill in the actual story. True creative freedom is someone else's, after all. Later, I changed it up a bit, by adding in more traditional lines, but the style remains the same. I'm not sure where I got the idea from, but I do know that I came up with it without any outside influence. If you know an author that uses a similar style to mine, please let me know. I am curious.
So, I won the bet. I'm getting a husky puppy! I know the breeder, and they'll hook me up for only $200. I'm so happy. I love having friends with benefits. Not those kind of friends with benefits! Get your mind out of the gutter (only if you thought of that, of course).
I got a week or two of forced paid vacation. No, I'm not a cop that got away with murder, I just happened to be causing the people I work for to lose a good amount because I don't use any sick days or vacation days. That basically means, I get extra pay at the end of the year. I was doing that for 4 years now, and they decided that I need to take a little break. So I am. And I passed out on the job once, so now they're concerned I'm over worked. And I get the week off my brother comes, so yay! I know one other person that does that, and guess what! They're Asian. My Asian mother taught me that, and it fucking works. My brother and sister are too lazy for that. That's because they had college handed to them, I had to work for a scholarship and the money. Still didn't go, but I am next year. I finally have enough to go, and I can easily balance work with college. I'll just do what I did in my senior year of high school. No sleep and do homework whenever and wherever possible. I used to do homework while working as a cashier at a drug store. My boss got mad, but never fired me. I was too good. I was able to check them out and read a chapter for AP Psych. Some complained but when asked if I was too slow, they would answer I was too fast. Those were the days. I actually had to work because my parents were too broke to give me allowance, like they did with my brother. That was fine. College barely helped out, because he's a mechanic. Don't need a degree in that, but he did major in business, so I don't know. I'm still not sure if he runs the place or not.
I am now officially in a relationship, I guess. She called me her boyfriend and that's that. I don't have commitment issues, I have apathy, sympathy and communication issues. I find it hard to connect with someone, personally. I understand what they're saying, but I don't necessarily care all the time. It truly depends on my mood. I'm so different day after day. I hate meds and shit. I can relate to someone I don't know, rather than someone I know. It's like opposite of trust issues. I trust people I don't know more than strangers. Maybe it's because strangers have nothing against me, and people I do know, might. But otherization debunks that reasoning, so I don't know.
I love that idea, other. It's one of the only things I truly understand. I guess it is because I am not an other, appearance wise, but am in the grand scale of things. Appearance wise, I mean that I can pass off as a ces, heterosexual, able bodied and minded white man. But economically and ideological, I'm othered. Maybe that's why.
It's been a while since I wrote a journal/diary entry. I don't care. It's just a place to write down my thoughts, so when I reread them I can understand myself better. Gotta find then better myself, after all. And so I can kinda relive some days, so not everything feels like a dream.
I need to eat. And sleep. And walk. And talk to people. I need to live.
So, I won the bet. I'm getting a husky puppy! I know the breeder, and they'll hook me up for only $200. I'm so happy. I love having friends with benefits. Not those kind of friends with benefits! Get your mind out of the gutter (only if you thought of that, of course).
I got a week or two of forced paid vacation. No, I'm not a cop that got away with murder, I just happened to be causing the people I work for to lose a good amount because I don't use any sick days or vacation days. That basically means, I get extra pay at the end of the year. I was doing that for 4 years now, and they decided that I need to take a little break. So I am. And I passed out on the job once, so now they're concerned I'm over worked. And I get the week off my brother comes, so yay! I know one other person that does that, and guess what! They're Asian. My Asian mother taught me that, and it fucking works. My brother and sister are too lazy for that. That's because they had college handed to them, I had to work for a scholarship and the money. Still didn't go, but I am next year. I finally have enough to go, and I can easily balance work with college. I'll just do what I did in my senior year of high school. No sleep and do homework whenever and wherever possible. I used to do homework while working as a cashier at a drug store. My boss got mad, but never fired me. I was too good. I was able to check them out and read a chapter for AP Psych. Some complained but when asked if I was too slow, they would answer I was too fast. Those were the days. I actually had to work because my parents were too broke to give me allowance, like they did with my brother. That was fine. College barely helped out, because he's a mechanic. Don't need a degree in that, but he did major in business, so I don't know. I'm still not sure if he runs the place or not.
I am now officially in a relationship, I guess. She called me her boyfriend and that's that. I don't have commitment issues, I have apathy, sympathy and communication issues. I find it hard to connect with someone, personally. I understand what they're saying, but I don't necessarily care all the time. It truly depends on my mood. I'm so different day after day. I hate meds and shit. I can relate to someone I don't know, rather than someone I know. It's like opposite of trust issues. I trust people I don't know more than strangers. Maybe it's because strangers have nothing against me, and people I do know, might. But otherization debunks that reasoning, so I don't know.
I love that idea, other. It's one of the only things I truly understand. I guess it is because I am not an other, appearance wise, but am in the grand scale of things. Appearance wise, I mean that I can pass off as a ces, heterosexual, able bodied and minded white man. But economically and ideological, I'm othered. Maybe that's why.
It's been a while since I wrote a journal/diary entry. I don't care. It's just a place to write down my thoughts, so when I reread them I can understand myself better. Gotta find then better myself, after all. And so I can kinda relive some days, so not everything feels like a dream.
I need to eat. And sleep. And walk. And talk to people. I need to live.
Published 3rd Jul 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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I like how you write about your writing. This is one uniqueness of my favorite poet, Joubert, he's a writer's writer and a poet's poet. Writing is very personable to me in that sense too; its like a friend. I have a voice constantly in my head that chatters, friendly though she is, but it's very pleasing to her when I write in sync to what she's saying. She gives me all my best stuff. Its a strange feeling sometimes. I still remember, Wake Up, too, I loved that piece. This is a nice piece and I'm so glad you got the puppy, that's so exciting - and the girl for that matter. I want you to be happy. You're really unique Spitz, I love seeing your writing progress. I relate on the College too. I think I got about 12 or 13 Credit hours to go. Maybe I'll be done by next Spring. Nice write and I know nothing comes easy... Get your mind out of gutter I didst say that. :)
3rd Jul 2014 8:31pm
Thank you for you for commenting those really nice things. I will be sure to check out Joubert. Congratulations on graduating soon! I can definitely relate to that poetic voice, mine has a name and everything. Even their own favorite food, I have too much time.
And about uniqueness, I feel everyone is unique. But, it's what they do with the uniqueness, they acquired or were given, that matters. If one tries to blend, then they are not utilizing it to it's full potential. I, for one, did not want to become just another statistic. And there are many other people that take advantage of their different-ness, you included. You just have this certain air around you that I can't quite identify. That was not meant as an insult, but as a complement. I never did think being weird or different was a bad thing. I always hated to have to conform. But I did and still do. It's how one survives in this zany, fucked up world. You can't be yourself without being locked up, and kept away because you might infect all the other lambs. The lambs even have Malware protection!
And about uniqueness, I feel everyone is unique. But, it's what they do with the uniqueness, they acquired or were given, that matters. If one tries to blend, then they are not utilizing it to it's full potential. I, for one, did not want to become just another statistic. And there are many other people that take advantage of their different-ness, you included. You just have this certain air around you that I can't quite identify. That was not meant as an insult, but as a complement. I never did think being weird or different was a bad thing. I always hated to have to conform. But I did and still do. It's how one survives in this zany, fucked up world. You can't be yourself without being locked up, and kept away because you might infect all the other lambs. The lambs even have Malware protection!
