Evapmospherics

Very cerebral thoughts. Good write.

Thank you kindly  for the drop by and words good fellow

You witty Bastard!!!
I would expect no less!!!

MR Soul

I'll have you know that those few lines are the epitome of sincerity and came from somewhere deep, deep within my soul  ..I hop you feel aptly terrible for such a presumptuous remark

..and cheers for stopping by and leaving your thoughts m'man. much appreciated  

You ARE One of the DEEP of the DU!!!

Someone is getting the Craic charm here...

Wonderful analogy, though. Highly imaginative, and the closing line is beautiful.

wow missus, you've a morbid idea of charm  ..what ya doing on friday?

cheers for the great words, review. this poem was brought to you by the letter W

I like it a lot :)

welcome to this place twin devils

thanks for dropping by and leaving your thoughts

Thanks for the welcome :)

well well, if it ain't the prettiest yank this side of the Atlantic come to slum it with the pauper  :D

I'm glad you tried a few word changes, I tried a few myself and couldn't find anything satisfying so that's cool

delighted to have you drop by Missus, and cheers for laying down your thoughts

This is great. Beautiful imagery in such a small piece.

Carla

good to see you knocking about.

thanks most much for dropping by and leaving your thoughts. always appreciated  

Glad you threw this back up

There is something initially that makes you wanna think this too simply worded and want to reduce it... But, just passed this is a powerful scene, worded in a wonderful simplicity

Good stuff

LB
 
as you're aware it was your intervention that saved these lines from being cast to oblivion so cheers for that first off
 
yeah, I got the same kind of feeling too, some paring could be done so I tried:
 
"folding and gasping from the gills" but thought folding in two gave a better image. these short ones are hard on the head  
 
thanks most kindly for your eyes here LB, much appreciated    
 
 

Short but with meaning. It's a picture created with words.
Nice.

 penguin_eater

welcome to this place (belated as it may be)

happy you liked it and got the meaning and the picture.

thanks most much for dropping by, reading and leaving your footprint

...and there is a poet, he's written a poem.

There's only one part to consider for editing, and it depends on what poem you want, I suppose. You could delete or keep the first two words on the first two lines. By keeping them it instantly takes the reader down a less sincere route, or maybe less believable, and the other way can do the opposite. Couldn't really choose myself like.

Good metaphoric stuff, dude.

cheers man, you flatterer

took me a couple of minutes but I think I see exactly where you are coming from.

"you are a monsoon
 I am the fish-in-the-mud"  

there is as you rightly point out a ton more conviction in those lines.  ...the curse of the pox on you for pointing that out. I jest. when you put it the way you do I think that there's no real option as such but to at least take the if from the first line. I'm inclined to be wary of fluidity between line endings and next line beginnings so I think either 'and, or 'so would have to precede the I on the next line

either way, that's a great pointer in the right direction, much obliged good fellow. thank you kindly

AAaahhh....the essence of the (effervescence), and dependency, of love!

The simplicity of this piece, leads to the 'complexity' of its creatively compelling design.

Mo Chara--as always-- i am drawn deep within your poems....mesmerized by your clever metaphor(s)... and clearly, this one, is certainly  n o
e x c e p t i o n!

Sl`ainte!!  

Enchanted one

In the context of the genre your words are pretty spot on. dependency being the key word there

kind words indeed Miss, thank you most much for stopping by and leaving your footprint

Still no reading list adds? Fuck's wrong with this place these days?
:)

Indie, whoa! if I knew you were coming I'd have rolled out the red carpet.

there's no pulling the wool over your eyes missus, I counted two meanings when I was done, but honestly was just going for one simple one. that said I love ambiguity when it's accidental more so than when it's on purpose ..makes me feel like I wrote two kick ass poems without thinking 'bout it :D

I'm with Alpy though, ..if it's that beautiful then why isn't it on your list :P  ...don't go
insulting me and sticking it on now ..I'll just delete it

you all make me sick to my stomach .".oh' I'll praise you but you're not meeting my parents"


...and thank you most much for dropping by, Indie. a most pleasant surprise  

I don't understand (most every thing written here after thy poem)
Luck'illy, I feel no need to understand.....

too many of Us believing what wee think makes for human messy'mess

be that as it may, a sweet 5-liner, CD....

Danny Bhoy

I'm cautiously optimistic that that was a compliment  and as such offer my gratitude for having your pupils sweep across the lines, and also for dropping in in the first place in order to facilitate your thoughts.  

yes...compliment confirmed

GoGo gadget coptor ..you're far to young to remember that ahhh, when cartoons were cartoons

kind words going on there Miss, it is I s'pose a snapshot with a slow shutter


thank you most much for dropping by and leaving your thoughts  

oh, irate? well now, I can only apologize if I were of the mind to, but I'd say in fairness you got to experience laughter, irateness, and poignant melancholy so I'd call that win win for you :)

Lover and lived captured brilliantly - oxygen!!!

ah, you're far too kind, Whale. but there's an honesty in your kindness that's totally acceptable.

cheers for dropping by Whale, and thanks for your thoughts

A short write with immense meaning. Enjoyed it.

Xmar

I had a Bob Marley quote for you but it liberated itself from my head

thanks most much for dropping by and leaving your thoughts good fellow

Mikki, my apologies for the late response

thanks, when someone gets a poem there comes a nice feeling. I s'pose essentially my poetry is a three year old child. his growth (I've named him Advar) depends on what I feed it. how that fits in to your comment is beyond me at this time but I am almost confident that god told me to type it


cheers for the drop by and words Mikki    

Short and sweet!

Lady Devlin

sorry ’bout the delay in responding. I think I’ve been slacking a little of late with the diversity so I am happy you’ve said such. Arizona haha, I fear I wouldn’t survive that sun for too long :)

thank you most much for dropping by and leaving your thoughts, Mis