Masshole

(Written for Hades' "Salmon vs. Salmon" competition)


Ya wanna know why we’re called “Massholes?”
‘Cuz we drive like a Bah-stin asshole.
We drop all our “R’s”,
Pahk the cah in the gah-raj
And say it like this:  “Noo Yawk”.

The red fish it ain’t
Like a canna pink paint-
We pronounce it as “sammin’” ya know.
And that city that’s home to WPI-
Ya, that ain’t “Wor-chester” like it looks;
That we call “Wister”—gud Lord, hit the spellin’ books!

Welcum ta the N’or East paht of the cun-tree—
‘Ya betta getcha Yankee-on, dat’s fah shure.