deepundergroundpoetry.com
and the deaf shall not hear and the blind will see nothing
An old man raised himself from his knees
then fell into a whimper
and sobbed himself to his feet again
then, in a husked near whisper
cried out to the heavens for mercy
there came a murmur of a notion
from the noblemen stood left of him
an under-tongue half talk about demons
and where shadowed creatures
would walk the long nights off
and seek out the weak
to steal their minds away
a fleet of geese scorned the servant lady
who'd stopped to gawk at the spectacle
they spat spits of hate, while they ran
with their wings beating wildly
and long necks stretched out in anger
then they hissed the shoes from her
the old man raised his voice a tone
for a post script oration
about a filthy lying Nazarene
who'd torn the world asunder
and how his minions
had raped and plundered the children
suffered unto him
but his voice was hardly even audible
above the din of bewilderment
resonating through the passers-by
on their way to give thanks
for the great privilege of worship
then fell into a whimper
and sobbed himself to his feet again
then, in a husked near whisper
cried out to the heavens for mercy
there came a murmur of a notion
from the noblemen stood left of him
an under-tongue half talk about demons
and where shadowed creatures
would walk the long nights off
and seek out the weak
to steal their minds away
a fleet of geese scorned the servant lady
who'd stopped to gawk at the spectacle
they spat spits of hate, while they ran
with their wings beating wildly
and long necks stretched out in anger
then they hissed the shoes from her
the old man raised his voice a tone
for a post script oration
about a filthy lying Nazarene
who'd torn the world asunder
and how his minions
had raped and plundered the children
suffered unto him
but his voice was hardly even audible
above the din of bewilderment
resonating through the passers-by
on their way to give thanks
for the great privilege of worship
Published 4th Jun 2014
| Edited 6th Jun 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 1
comments 24
reads 117
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The author encourages honest critique.
4th Jun 2014 6:17am
This makes me wonder, at the subtext. I feel a socio-political commentary is at your fingertips, but you follow the news closely and I do not. I have a feeling you won't spill the beans...
That aside, it is a vivid scene, a dark medieval style. A random reference here, to illustrate what I mean, William Langland, The Book Concerning Piers the Plowman (translated):
"Friars with fair speech · fetched him thence,
And lest others should know him · dressed him as a friar.
But he hath leave to leap out · as oft as him liketh,
And is welcome when he will · to stay with them oft.
All fled for fear · and were hiding in holes;
Save Meed the Maid · no man durst abide.
But truly to tell · she trembled for dread,
Her hands wrung, and wept · when she was arrested."
Quite a journey, where this ink takes us. Thanks for the read, it has provoked much musing.
That aside, it is a vivid scene, a dark medieval style. A random reference here, to illustrate what I mean, William Langland, The Book Concerning Piers the Plowman (translated):
"Friars with fair speech · fetched him thence,
And lest others should know him · dressed him as a friar.
But he hath leave to leap out · as oft as him liketh,
And is welcome when he will · to stay with them oft.
All fled for fear · and were hiding in holes;
Save Meed the Maid · no man durst abide.
But truly to tell · she trembled for dread,
Her hands wrung, and wept · when she was arrested."
Quite a journey, where this ink takes us. Thanks for the read, it has provoked much musing.
4th Jun 2014 6:55am
Atakti
there is definitely an air of socio-political commentary here. I took the bones of the poem from a comp and gave it an overhaul and some more focus.
it's a kind of double poem, at least that's what I was going for. the scene itself is set in past times and I was hoping the scene would stand up on its own, whereas the undercurrent of commentary is very much set in the now but open enough to multiple decipherings
that's a great little excerpt, thanks for that
and also for the visit and words
there is definitely an air of socio-political commentary here. I took the bones of the poem from a comp and gave it an overhaul and some more focus.
it's a kind of double poem, at least that's what I was going for. the scene itself is set in past times and I was hoping the scene would stand up on its own, whereas the undercurrent of commentary is very much set in the now but open enough to multiple decipherings
that's a great little excerpt, thanks for that
and also for the visit and words
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 7:52pm
4th Jun 2014 6:58am
<< post removed >>
4th Jun 2014 7:42am
missus Moon
I like your way of thinking. In the first draft I had the old man as a kind of soap box preacher in those times, the geese stanza was another that got a revamp. poor old man is talking to himself
thank you kindly for your visit and thoughts
I like your way of thinking. In the first draft I had the old man as a kind of soap box preacher in those times, the geese stanza was another that got a revamp. poor old man is talking to himself
thank you kindly for your visit and thoughts
Anonymous
- Edited 17th May 2018 9:40pm
9th Jun 2014 12:50pm
<< post removed >>
9th Jun 2014 1:54pm
Mr Moon
Ahh, you got it, "voices in your head" exactly what the noblemen were about use to discredit him with. ..a fanatical man of fantasy who'd be better suited to an asylum. I s'pose it plays out the same everywhere, if the noblemen don't get him the geese surely will.
thanks most much for dropping by and leaving your thoughts good fellow. good to see you you tottering about the place
Ahh, you got it, "voices in your head" exactly what the noblemen were about use to discredit him with. ..a fanatical man of fantasy who'd be better suited to an asylum. I s'pose it plays out the same everywhere, if the noblemen don't get him the geese surely will.
thanks most much for dropping by and leaving your thoughts good fellow. good to see you you tottering about the place
Anonymous
- Edited 16th Sep 2020 7:37pm
4th Jun 2014 7:35pm
<< post removed >>
4th Jun 2014 7:54pm
Missus Sub
It's great that your comfortable enough to say you don't like it and then say why. much respect to you there.
I think these kind of writes are prone to be taste subjective. I respect your opinion and so will have a mull on what can be done to improve the continuity from stanza to stanza.
I appreciate your honesty Miss and hope the next one fares better
thank you kindly for the visit and the laying down of your thoughts
It's great that your comfortable enough to say you don't like it and then say why. much respect to you there.
I think these kind of writes are prone to be taste subjective. I respect your opinion and so will have a mull on what can be done to improve the continuity from stanza to stanza.
I appreciate your honesty Miss and hope the next one fares better
thank you kindly for the visit and the laying down of your thoughts
4th Jun 2014 11:58pm
I really dig Your "rolling" here Lepp. (for lack of better description.
each stanzaand the work as a whole rolls along with that fun way my tongue likes-tricky to do that and be coherent with it.
Hinted a bit in nursery-rhyme sway
Instantly this scene played in front of my eyes!!!
Kickn' Ink!!!
each stanzaand the work as a whole rolls along with that fun way my tongue likes-tricky to do that and be coherent with it.
Hinted a bit in nursery-rhyme sway
Instantly this scene played in front of my eyes!!!
Kickn' Ink!!!
5th Jun 2014 1:15am
cheers Soul
sometimes I can get that right and like you say the words can roll off the tongue. I think that's the result of being more influenced by song writers than by poets. it kicks in the odd time.
I can see where 'fleets of geese', and 'seek out the weak' might give a hint of that particular sway, I only hope it's not prevalent throughout the lot of it
I was going to cut the geese stanza altogether because I couldn't account for where they came from ie pond or lake or some such, but I think most people who read it will accept that the geese just happened to be there, I'm glad because they're paramount to the sub text.
I'm a people person so I'll share a bit of the sub text.
the noblemen represent the media and they're discussing how to discredit the old man
the geese represent far right nationalism moving in on [in a less than polite way] the worker(s) who'd stopped to watch and listen, censorship being among the themes there
that's all you get
cheers for the stop by Soul, and for sharing your thoughts
sometimes I can get that right and like you say the words can roll off the tongue. I think that's the result of being more influenced by song writers than by poets. it kicks in the odd time.
I can see where 'fleets of geese', and 'seek out the weak' might give a hint of that particular sway, I only hope it's not prevalent throughout the lot of it
I was going to cut the geese stanza altogether because I couldn't account for where they came from ie pond or lake or some such, but I think most people who read it will accept that the geese just happened to be there, I'm glad because they're paramount to the sub text.
I'm a people person so I'll share a bit of the sub text.
the noblemen represent the media and they're discussing how to discredit the old man
the geese represent far right nationalism moving in on [in a less than polite way] the worker(s) who'd stopped to watch and listen, censorship being among the themes there
that's all you get
cheers for the stop by Soul, and for sharing your thoughts
5th Jun 2014 2:28am
I appreciate those details Sir!!!
appreciate the geese too :) and no not too much...You always tend to carry Music in overall rhythm (in my head)
appreciate the geese too :) and no not too much...You always tend to carry Music in overall rhythm (in my head)
. . .and bless`ed are the 'w e a k'...the forsaken and the forgotten ones--for they shall inherit a world that is no longer governed by the 'voice', and the (free) choice of the people....
Sorry, my friend, but this is just the sentiment that kept rattling around in my thoughts, while reading.
I couldn't help but feel compelled to follow the twists,and turns, throughout the myriad of (subtle) meanings within this piece.
Soo..much lies buried within this poem....the religious, socio-political..(maybe even a bit of socio-economic) aspects are fascinating.
It is easy for one to detect the influence music has on your work. mo Chara...the cadence...the flow....the utilization of assonance, and consonance, makes this poem very aural...best appreciated when read aloud!
These lines linger...leading me back to read this poem...again and again....
Sorry, my friend, but this is just the sentiment that kept rattling around in my thoughts, while reading.
I couldn't help but feel compelled to follow the twists,and turns, throughout the myriad of (subtle) meanings within this piece.
Soo..much lies buried within this poem....the religious, socio-political..(maybe even a bit of socio-economic) aspects are fascinating.
It is easy for one to detect the influence music has on your work. mo Chara...the cadence...the flow....the utilization of assonance, and consonance, makes this poem very aural...best appreciated when read aloud!
These lines linger...leading me back to read this poem...again and again....
5th Jun 2014 2:04pm
Enchanted one
Is that some sort of bible speak? I wonder if the forsaken and the weak kn ow about this inevitable outcome. or worse still, the strong dominant ones ..for they will surely become weak just to share in the inheritance.
"but god will see through the masquerade" I hear the faithful shout. and no doubt if there is a god then that's the way he planned it. thank god we don't have an old testament god anymore or we'd be all drowned already ..or covered in frogs or locusts or green mist :)
thank you most much for dropping by and leaving your footprint, Enchantress
Is that some sort of bible speak? I wonder if the forsaken and the weak kn ow about this inevitable outcome. or worse still, the strong dominant ones ..for they will surely become weak just to share in the inheritance.
"but god will see through the masquerade" I hear the faithful shout. and no doubt if there is a god then that's the way he planned it. thank god we don't have an old testament god anymore or we'd be all drowned already ..or covered in frogs or locusts or green mist :)
thank you most much for dropping by and leaving your footprint, Enchantress
Umm...bible-speak.....welll...not exactly....
OK,at the risk of coming across as sacrilegious.....O why not??
i think it had something to do with the subtle religious allusion within this piece...but it made me think of the Beatitudes--well, more specifically, the lines about 'bless`ed are the meek, for they shall (be the ones to) inheret the kingdom of god'--something like that.
Anyhow, this led to my putting a bit of a (sarcastic) twist to their intended meaning, is all...
ER...ummmm...you know...Dogma, and Doctrine--without question(ing)--forever, and ever, amen. :)
OK,at the risk of coming across as sacrilegious.....O why not??
i think it had something to do with the subtle religious allusion within this piece...but it made me think of the Beatitudes--well, more specifically, the lines about 'bless`ed are the meek, for they shall (be the ones to) inheret the kingdom of god'--something like that.
Anyhow, this led to my putting a bit of a (sarcastic) twist to their intended meaning, is all...
ER...ummmm...you know...Dogma, and Doctrine--without question(ing)--forever, and ever, amen. :)
5th Jun 2014 12:31pm
& thus, it is [a] realigion.......
pandemic
delusion
[being]
our
reality.........
(even as wee
think we're
'beyond' the
fools)......................but
eye could be
wrong
[or worse!]
5th Jun 2014 2:25pm
Danny Bhoy
you're probably too young to remember the 1930s when the masses of certain nations were stone broke starved impoverished and how easy it was for the promise of better times to facilitate some of the worst monstrosities of that century. The church ..at least the church of Holy Mary and Baby Jesus were all over it like a rash.
I think we're heading that way again in Europe anyway. the far right and neo Nazi-ism are knocking on the door and being egged on by the very nations who proudly decreed 'It will never happen again'
it's all an illusion. seeing through it all would probably drive a mind mad for the want of blinkers.
delighted to have you drop by, good fellow and thank you for the words
you're probably too young to remember the 1930s when the masses of certain nations were stone broke starved impoverished and how easy it was for the promise of better times to facilitate some of the worst monstrosities of that century. The church ..at least the church of Holy Mary and Baby Jesus were all over it like a rash.
I think we're heading that way again in Europe anyway. the far right and neo Nazi-ism are knocking on the door and being egged on by the very nations who proudly decreed 'It will never happen again'
it's all an illusion. seeing through it all would probably drive a mind mad for the want of blinkers.
delighted to have you drop by, good fellow and thank you for the words
I'm not to old to have vigorously studied that history....
Germany was suffocating in war debt & depression after The Great war ended. So....wit that, how does a country build the most fearsome war machine of the century together in Less Than 20years? Answer: INVESTMENT by pat'riotic all-American industrialists' billions'o bucks. A 'venture capitalist' dream....& those guys, the 2nd generation of American corporate industrialist robber barons, & their predecessors had great affinity for fascism since before anyone even uttered the word 'nazi'....heck, superhero Chas.Lindberg spent many an opulent day in the early'30s on German vacations...a consultant on the building of the Luftwaffe.
so why was USA so reticent to go help the po'Brits & others?....the reluctance by the shadow government (American $$$$'military-industrial-complex which it would come to be called), interests were not quite 'humanitarian'.
There were also billions of Amerikano dollars feeding the Japanese slaughter in China...'investors' saw big bucks in helping the Japs bring China down to be 'venture capitalised'....so again, Amerikan profit motive built the evil monsters it was to have to battle....but war on that scale meant bigmoney regardless of how long it took to decide the 'choose-ups' of teams. So the money people all knew it'd work to their fortune'ate advantage one way or another.
I could go on & on. It's still happening.....the American Arms Industry has a firm grip & have & will continue to use the glut of retail corporate materialism to keep the distractions & diversions that feed the hypnosis of patriotism. Those among the 'visible' government who waver from thee $$$ script are easily eliminated - albeit into patriotic sainthood....McKinley, the Kennedys, & the many un or little-known collaterals to those cases manipulated by FBI,CIA, etc. without going thru any Oval offices.
nevermind.......time for me to go
PS>>>>if I'm 'not old enough', ye must be mighty,mighty old to have been a 'contemporary' to the '30's.....my own father was a child in that time...died 3yrs ago at 81.....ha!
5th Jun 2014 10:57pm
seems like a win win situation for said corporations. have a great war, loser has to pay for it, curb their air force and navy so there's at least 20 years of collecting the debt then have another bigger war and do the same thing over again.
I read somewhere that more Chinese were slaughtered in that era than Jews and other ethnics murdered by the Third Reich.
Derron Brown done an experiment called The game show, if you have an hour to spare it's a grand experiment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHbvM33rYwI&list=PL5D11550B5A1CDF3F&index=3
It's no coincidence that the five biggest arms dealers in the world are the five permanent members of the UN security council ..security fiscal fkn secutiry is about all.
O' Barmy is pushing for more bases in Europe. Poland has asked for up to 10,000 US soldiers to be stationed there. Slovakia and Check republic basically told him to go fuck himself
there's a definite movement of chess pieces on the world board. Europe, Mid east and The Arctic are all being sought after
..I'm too old for conscription anyway so happy days
I read somewhere that more Chinese were slaughtered in that era than Jews and other ethnics murdered by the Third Reich.
Derron Brown done an experiment called The game show, if you have an hour to spare it's a grand experiment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHbvM33rYwI&list=PL5D11550B5A1CDF3F&index=3
It's no coincidence that the five biggest arms dealers in the world are the five permanent members of the UN security council ..security fiscal fkn secutiry is about all.
O' Barmy is pushing for more bases in Europe. Poland has asked for up to 10,000 US soldiers to be stationed there. Slovakia and Check republic basically told him to go fuck himself
there's a definite movement of chess pieces on the world board. Europe, Mid east and The Arctic are all being sought after
..I'm too old for conscription anyway so happy days
5th Jun 2014 9:14pm
you call it right - as it is!
both then as now and with great flow just as we're all dancing to the same beat (and cliff).
a religion without morality is mortality without reason
it wears many clothes and cloth - and I'm glad you're there to disrobe them - shine on!!!
both then as now and with great flow just as we're all dancing to the same beat (and cliff).
a religion without morality is mortality without reason
it wears many clothes and cloth - and I'm glad you're there to disrobe them - shine on!!!
5th Jun 2014 11:11pm
cheers Whale
The world is flat after all, so whatever direction we're herded, we're bound to fall off the side of it.
The Pope met Bengimen yetti Yahoo this week, they had dinner and spoke of tolerance ..then argued over what language Jesus spoke. seems silly to me. he had to speak English 'cos all his closest friends had un-arabic names
thanks for the drop nand leaving your thoughts, Whale
The world is flat after all, so whatever direction we're herded, we're bound to fall off the side of it.
The Pope met Bengimen yetti Yahoo this week, they had dinner and spoke of tolerance ..then argued over what language Jesus spoke. seems silly to me. he had to speak English 'cos all his closest friends had un-arabic names
thanks for the drop nand leaving your thoughts, Whale
6th Jun 2014 00:27am
A gent once said to me - we Christians are fucked cus we're the only religion whose holy book isn't in it's original language - open to interpretation
8th Jun 2014 2:21am
The style reflects more classical literature where one is given everything but a firm conclusion. One may even call it cryptic, not unlike some of Paul Simon's 60ies songs, and Dylan on just about every release for a song or two.
8th Jun 2014 11:01pm
Jazz man
Cheers, I've always liked Paul Simon's lyrical imagery.
the opening lines of Graceland are especially good "the Mississippi delta was shining like a national guitar. I am following the river down the highway through the cradle of the civil war" ..not very cryptic but it's two decades after his cryptic phase , great stuff either way plus the time and effort he put into bringing the truth about apartheid to the masses was exceptional.
thank you most much for dropping in and leaving your thoughts, Jazz. much appreciated
Cheers, I've always liked Paul Simon's lyrical imagery.
the opening lines of Graceland are especially good "the Mississippi delta was shining like a national guitar. I am following the river down the highway through the cradle of the civil war" ..not very cryptic but it's two decades after his cryptic phase , great stuff either way plus the time and effort he put into bringing the truth about apartheid to the masses was exceptional.
thank you most much for dropping in and leaving your thoughts, Jazz. much appreciated
9th Jun 2014 4:37am
Before I got into Simon and Garfunkel I remember my dad watching an old episode of Saturday Night Live. At that time I had just become enthralled with the Beatles. My father liked some of their songs but didn't really know their names. He called me over to watch. It was Paul Simon and George Harrison. There harmonies sounded so good---that is was sparked me to find out more about Mr.Simon. Graceland indeed, as most people agree is a classic. I recall that even some people here lambasted Simon's actions as supporting Apartheid. Luckily those who made the effort to be informed knew better. To compare Simon to the myriad of artists that made major bucks in Sun City is ignorant with a big I. Certainly it would be hard to convince Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Hugh Masekela, and Miriam Makeba that Simon's behavior supported the South African government.