Struggle for Life

The power of the mind is endless.
Uncontrolled it wanders from the depths
     of black despair to the height of shining elation.
A Hayden Quartet playing,
     a jug of wine,
     a poem reading,
     and all hell breaks loose,
     the mind explodes.
The total confusion of life's motivation
     has left me ensnared in the stickiness
     of the web of the giant spider-like incentive of life,
     the basis for true existentialism.
We live today for today
     for tomorrow we may not be.
I listen to a Christmas song -
     beautiful in melody,
     soothingly soft;
The woman's voice, enchanting -
     the words meaningless - misleading.
"Thou Shalt Not" rings in my head,
     Thou shalt not what - ?
Thou shalt not die before thy time?
Thou shalt not control or direct thy time!
But my troubles will not go away with time
     - they cannot be swept out of sight and mind.
Only in Death will I find life at its best;
Only in Death will this troubled mind rest.