Why Me?

So I'm stuck here again. Caught in the middle of an emotional trainwreck. I can't even tell what my mind is saying anymore. Torn between a past I loved, and a future of uncertainty. Not wanting to let go of what was, hating what is, and terrified of what will be. It seems like everyone that mattered, doesn't care if I'm alive or if I've dropped dead. Lovely. Sometimes I wonder if this life of mine is worth all of the pain and heartache. When I can't even figure out if the past is coming back to haunt me, or if the interest is true. I'm probably just imagining it. Just as I did back then. That would be the icing on my fuck you cake. Seems like everything in life just keeps going wrong for me, or maybe I'm just the wrong in everyone else's life. Wouldn't that be great?? Just once, I want to feel like I matter. I want to know that someone TRULY cares. No more of this lying and abusing, I want to feel love for real sometime. Maybe if you knew this was about you it would make you say something. Somehow I doubt that will happen. You barely even noticed I was around back then. I can't even tell you how I fucking feel. And when I try, it won't even come out. Maybe I should just leave you be. Seemed easier that way. I'll take my misery, and the thoughts I keep in secret and vanish. Would you even notice? Would you try to make me stay? I'm hoping maybe you'll see this. So that maybe, just maybe. You'll be able to say what I can't. Maybe you won't bother at all. Fuck it. Since you won't care anyways.... I LOVE YOU. I have since we met. It's been so long. I'm sorry if it's weird. I can't help it. Theres just something about you, you make me smile. And I love it. Reading your messages, though few and far between, put the BIGGEST smile on my face. I don't even know why. I blame you. I'd kill for one of those up all night conversations, talking until we pass out on eachother, but sadly..... That requires you to notice me. Please........






Realize this is for YOU. ♥