The Savior

All I could remember was the darkness. It was summer but it felt cold.
  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just..." I muttered to no one, "It's nothing but a sick dream".
I felt my fingernails dig into my skin as I dragged my crooked fingers across my back. I wanted my fingers to be daggers, leave bloody welts in their trail, let me bleed out like I deserve.The door opened and you came in. I watched as your eyes grew panicked. You though I was fine, I had been doing so well.
  "What's wrong?" You held my face in your hands and wiped away my tears with your thumbs.
  "I give up." I told you, "I get depressed and then I know I'll cut again but if I cut then you will cry and everyone will be sad or mad at me and its all just for attention right? I've got to get out, but if I dare touch that blade to my skin, god forbid, I wont stop until there is nothing left" I pulled out of your hands, I didn't want you to touch me, to look at me.
  "Shit fuck fuck fuck fuck, I cant do this anymore do you hear me?" I whispered quietly. You tried to wrap you arms around me but I squirmed away, I wasn't having any of that. I didn't deserve your warm embrace.
  "I'm tired of life, push me into the fantasy because we all know that in the end, I'll wind up shaking in the corner or flying off the top of some building at my own will." I waited for you to turn and walk out the door, leave me like I deserved.
  "It's all I will ever be good for, another number, another statistic of lost souls, another cover story on the news for them to say 'That is so sad, to bad, because he is already dead'" I craved for something to stab into the back of my neck and break my spine.
  "He just can't fucking do it anymore!" I yelped and gave into you, finally letting you wrap your arms around me.
  "You're just so beautiful and I'm a disgusting excuse for a human being" I whispered as the tears came quickly, but you kept wiping them away.
  "No, you're not" You held me close, as if I might break. In that moment, I did.
It shouldn't have been like this, I should have been the one, strong to comfort you. I wanted find each scar on your beautiful body and trace them over with my fingers, lay my lips to your skin in a gentle kiss. You think they are ugly, a sign of weakness, but they're not. Every once of pain you once felt, you documented it into your own skin. You didn't give in, you didn't give up, each scar is another sign of your strength to resist.
  "What's wrong?" You asked again.
   "Everything, everything is wrong!" I cried.
I watched as your eyebrows moved to make room for the frown on your face, I couldn't do it, I wished you never heard it, never heard of me.
  "I care for you too much to leave you with all the weight you are dealing with." You cooed as my tears slowed.
  "Let me in, let me help you" You whispered your promises in my ear and I believed them.
I turned and wrapped my arms your waist holding you closer then before, breathing deeply, relishing in your scent.
  "Everything is wrong" I repeated softly.
  "But this...this is right" I looked into your eyes as you smiled. Then we kissed, it was needy but passionate. We held each other so tightly as we both broke in each others arms. We were such an imperfect mess, but as we feel into peaceful sleep that night, I knew they only way I could keep living is with you by my side.



5.5.14