My Name

My name is six letters
My name is 4.3% probability
My name is two syllables, black and white
decorating lips shyly.
My name is a title
an identification, a story
My name is not an apology,
although sometimes I’ve heard is said with such
remorse that I have cause to wonder…
My name is not good behavior
not straight A’s
not sunshine and open skies.
My name is not a hand you can hold
My name is not a safety net,
not a life vest
or a parachute,
not a search and rescue team.
My name is a dark place
My name is monochrome shadows,
haunted, shaken landscapes
towering monoliths that dream of light
embracing beauty in harshness
and it is tired tired tiredtired
of feeling guilty for the abrasions you receive by trying
to mold it and bend it
into something that appeases you.
My name is too many words
and not enough sound to express them
My name is angry,
I’ve a right to be.
My name is not just daughter
or friend
or co-worker.
This name has human DNA
Why do you express such consternation
when its faults shift
and I stumble?
I’ve never left myself low for long.
Stop looking at my scars so pathetically.
I am my name
I’m proud of these scars, battle tested and victorious
Stop looking at me like I’m a victim
I’m a soldier that has learned to kill.