deepundergroundpoetry.com
W@R☆£:OCK→fT.sUN●£iT€ the P☆€T
As word materialize and
assemble like Autumn Geese in a flock
Introducing WAR¤LOCK
Magic as unfamiliar as a spokenword
Images from the sand's of time
Stand in line to see mystical signs
Poems turned into vintage wine
Doors explode off hinges inside your mind
Metaphors that hover
In thin air till you discover
Like a long lost lover
Message resemble sometimes loud like a cymbal or small as a thimble
But like JACK BE NIMBLE
My ass hot like fire with a desire
That won't expire or retire till you admire
I command the flow when it lands U*F*O
Grasped from everything that I know or the winds that blow
Verbs and adjectives tick and tock stay around like a boat and dock
In a mystical garden surround by rocks
Subject matter close like a foot in a sock
Or a very crowded PROJECT BLOCK
Magical delivery listen for a very distinct knock
None other THan
W@R☆L:OCK→Ft [sUN●£iT€ the P☆€ T]
Grasped from everything that I know
assemble like Autumn Geese in a flock
Introducing WAR¤LOCK
Magic as unfamiliar as a spokenword
Images from the sand's of time
Stand in line to see mystical signs
Poems turned into vintage wine
Doors explode off hinges inside your mind
Metaphors that hover
In thin air till you discover
Like a long lost lover
Message resemble sometimes loud like a cymbal or small as a thimble
But like JACK BE NIMBLE
My ass hot like fire with a desire
That won't expire or retire till you admire
I command the flow when it lands U*F*O
Grasped from everything that I know or the winds that blow
Verbs and adjectives tick and tock stay around like a boat and dock
In a mystical garden surround by rocks
Subject matter close like a foot in a sock
Or a very crowded PROJECT BLOCK
Magical delivery listen for a very distinct knock
None other THan
W@R☆L:OCK→Ft [sUN●£iT€ the P☆€ T]
Grasped from everything that I know
Published 30th Apr 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 2
reads 65
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
1st May 2014 4:23am
I like the rap-like quality of your work, it reminds me of some of the better poets I've listened to at poetry slams. A couple of things to note, though: 1) I don't consider this a story poem and I would suggest moving it to a different genre; 2) Much of your poem is abstract and so I just went with the flow as I read it, but there are some parts that seem awkward and like you were really struggling to find a suitable rhyming word (especially the part about the UFO).
Overall, a good piece to run with. I hope you'll get other critiques because I think with a little strengthening, this poem has really good potential.
Overall, a good piece to run with. I hope you'll get other critiques because I think with a little strengthening, this poem has really good potential.
Thank you for the
CRITQUE very much
appreciate:-D!
every song writer/ rapper
is a poet remember that!
CRITQUE very much
appreciate:-D!
every song writer/ rapper
is a poet remember that!
