deepundergroundpoetry.com
No Pride
Dizzy lights inside my head,missiles launching;
3,
2,
1,
GONE!
Altered ego but flawless beauty I walk alone.
Try to relate I bet you can, there's no escape.
And I know, yes I FUCKING KNOW
what's getting to me
crippling me
beating me, hurting me...
Betrayal of the weakest kind,
no self pride.
It's missing and evident in my hands,
all over my face, inside me deeply.
Cynical, bitter and jaded.
I walk alone.
Mastered is the plan, but empty is the effort.
The magic that makes it happen doesn't really exist.
And without happiness; without peace and especially
without value I am and will always be the end...
3,
2,
1,
GONE!
Altered ego but flawless beauty I walk alone.
Try to relate I bet you can, there's no escape.
And I know, yes I FUCKING KNOW
what's getting to me
crippling me
beating me, hurting me...
Betrayal of the weakest kind,
no self pride.
It's missing and evident in my hands,
all over my face, inside me deeply.
Cynical, bitter and jaded.
I walk alone.
Mastered is the plan, but empty is the effort.
The magic that makes it happen doesn't really exist.
And without happiness; without peace and especially
without value I am and will always be the end...
Published 29th Apr 2014
| Edited 23rd May 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 1
comments 8
reads 107
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 15th Apr 2019 9:40pm
29th Apr 2014 3:30am
<< post removed >>
29th Apr 2014 4:36am
29th Apr 2014 4:58am
zazzles
ah, quite the write here, powerful enough introspection, some really fine lines going on there.
there a couple of suggestions I can make that might help to improve the overall experience of the reading
cut down on the punctuation, especially some of the commas and a couple of the periods. have a re read and see which ones you really need to help or dictate the flow or pace you want us to read it.
the voice used can afford some of the repeats you're using, I think I'd change this line slightly "And I know, yes I do,I FUCKING KNOW"
I think if you stick 'because at the start of the third to last line it would bring a new dimension to the few lines above and below it.
personal opinion of course and should in no way be taken as gospel
anyhow, pretty decent offering Miss, fair play, shine on
ah, quite the write here, powerful enough introspection, some really fine lines going on there.
there a couple of suggestions I can make that might help to improve the overall experience of the reading
cut down on the punctuation, especially some of the commas and a couple of the periods. have a re read and see which ones you really need to help or dictate the flow or pace you want us to read it.
the voice used can afford some of the repeats you're using, I think I'd change this line slightly "And I know, yes I do,I FUCKING KNOW"
I think if you stick 'because at the start of the third to last line it would bring a new dimension to the few lines above and below it.
personal opinion of course and should in no way be taken as gospel
anyhow, pretty decent offering Miss, fair play, shine on
Anonymous
29th Apr 2014 7:01am
"And without happiness; without peace and especially
without value I am and will always be the end..."<--I have no idea why this poem speaks to me so, but it does.
I love the heartbeat of this ink, J! Gorgeous....Xo
Pen love~
without value I am and will always be the end..."<--I have no idea why this poem speaks to me so, but it does.
I love the heartbeat of this ink, J! Gorgeous....Xo
Pen love~
29th Apr 2014 2:16pm
I love the poem. It reminds me of me. The hopeless longing for the end, wonderful!
30th Apr 2014 5:02am
Anonymous
- Edited 14th May 2018 9:48pm
2nd May 2014 9:35pm
<< post removed >>
28th Jul 2014 5:49pm
It's never easy to rebuild yourself after a traumatic event! I can relate to this. Excellent.
