deepundergroundpoetry.com
Warning Label: A Damsel's Fine Print
if you're a light
at the end
of a tunnel
then i'm a
prism tied to
the tracks
waiting to
dissect your
insides
to see what
vivid colours
you bleed
at the end
of a tunnel
then i'm a
prism tied to
the tracks
waiting to
dissect your
insides
to see what
vivid colours
you bleed
Published 26th Apr 2014
| Edited 27th Apr 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 7
reads 119
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
Anonymous
- Edited 27th Aug 2021 5:37pm
26th Apr 2014 9:04pm
<< post removed >>
26th Apr 2014 10:58pm
27th Apr 2014 8:59pm
28th Apr 2014 5:53am
Ahh, warning labels, they have them on cigarette packs too, just as threatening ..never seems to work for some reason
clever little analogy, no excess words hanging around. Short and to the point as it were.
these ones are hard to write, (for me anyway) because for the most part they stem from a feeling rather than a thought or thoughts and trying to convey a feeling is hard at the best of times
I think you've pulled it off with a nice level of poeticness, though there are aspects that kinda stuck out a tad, 'tied to the tracks' when I think of a prism I think of a certain shape that would make tying a bit difficult
..a bit anal I know but hey sue me :) maybe sitting on the tracks or some such wording
either way, your message is shining through so its not a game changer, just me being over analytical probably
I do enjoy these short bursts of personality that you post, I think you're getting to master the micro poetry. would love to see you tackle a pantoum ..yes, that was a challenge
good stuff Miss G, fair play, shine on
clever little analogy, no excess words hanging around. Short and to the point as it were.
these ones are hard to write, (for me anyway) because for the most part they stem from a feeling rather than a thought or thoughts and trying to convey a feeling is hard at the best of times
I think you've pulled it off with a nice level of poeticness, though there are aspects that kinda stuck out a tad, 'tied to the tracks' when I think of a prism I think of a certain shape that would make tying a bit difficult
..a bit anal I know but hey sue me :) maybe sitting on the tracks or some such wording
either way, your message is shining through so its not a game changer, just me being over analytical probably
I do enjoy these short bursts of personality that you post, I think you're getting to master the micro poetry. would love to see you tackle a pantoum ..yes, that was a challenge
good stuff Miss G, fair play, shine on
Anonymous
- Edited 15th May 2018 00:13am
4th May 2014 3:59pm
<< post removed >>
4th May 2014 11:34pm
Thank you for your sincere praise and interest in my work, Jack! If you enjoy micro-poetry please check out DU member Opheliac.
18th May 2014 6:52am
sharp diamond edges to meet the oncoming metal wurm and split it . sexual role reversal/ did not ask for your chivalry or rescuing/ will cut u