deepundergroundpoetry.com
lover,
you're traveling
far, the venues of my soul.
enticing ribbons of ink
to sing that notorious song.
you pillage wild the refuge
of my sweet embrace,
fervently, for this moment,
I long.
desire's liquid fire
falls against silken words.
soothing
your erection.
supping its defilement.
refining our trust in ecstasy alone.
upon my plundered womanhood-
your dictions of
wet-street, gallery girls,
pulse, lift and choke.
delightfully so.
Brazen man,
mingle there long, in my fields.
tempt surreal her marvelous fever.
tread deeper,
the thrills of my masquerading layers.
lover,
I burn in the knowledge- of you.[/font]
far, the venues of my soul.
enticing ribbons of ink
to sing that notorious song.
you pillage wild the refuge
of my sweet embrace,
fervently, for this moment,
I long.
desire's liquid fire
falls against silken words.
soothing
your erection.
supping its defilement.
refining our trust in ecstasy alone.
upon my plundered womanhood-
your dictions of
wet-street, gallery girls,
pulse, lift and choke.
delightfully so.
Brazen man,
mingle there long, in my fields.
tempt surreal her marvelous fever.
tread deeper,
the thrills of my masquerading layers.
lover,
I burn in the knowledge- of you.[/font]
Published 29th Mar 2014
| Edited 30th Mar 2014
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 2
comments 17
reads 202
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
Blue
I hope I don't cross the line away from friendly feedback.
This poem is pretty good, in terms of your word choice and voice. It's fluid and easy to read plus gets the theme of love across.
I think if you could find a word to replace hardness it would elevate the whole write. I say this because I think compared to the rest of the language you use throughout, it sticks out a bit. just my opinion of course.
either way, its a fine write, fair play, shine on
I hope I don't cross the line away from friendly feedback.
This poem is pretty good, in terms of your word choice and voice. It's fluid and easy to read plus gets the theme of love across.
I think if you could find a word to replace hardness it would elevate the whole write. I say this because I think compared to the rest of the language you use throughout, it sticks out a bit. just my opinion of course.
either way, its a fine write, fair play, shine on
29th Mar 2014 8:30pm
Thank you, kindly for your input. It's much appreciated. elevating is my goal :)
I'm finding some difficulty replacing hardness... which is referring to his cock, perhaps disposition. I'm keeping to a certain flavor. But, I'll keep exploring options. :)
yes, I got that ..it's why I said it sticks out a bit :) you could keep it simple and go with erection, actually disposition isn't too bad, maybe a tad satirical, nor sure, try it and see how it reads to you
30th Mar 2014 00:04am
Anonymous
- Edited 15th Apr 2019 9:40pm
29th Mar 2014 8:09pm
<< post removed >>
29th Mar 2014 8:32pm
30th Mar 2014 00:50am
beautiful poetry, Angel, amorous & sensual. the entire layout is captivating: structure, language, & included artwork. brazen you are...
30th Mar 2014 3:46am
30th Mar 2014 4:27am
Mmmmmmm burn baby burn!! lol
This was sensually hot n thrilling my sexy one :)
This was sensually hot n thrilling my sexy one :)
1st Apr 2014 4:27pm
30th Mar 2014 6:28am
Heated whispers shackle
Satin tongue of desire
Unforseen fingers gripping
Master lover of fire
Blue Angel, such a passionate write, written with beauty and grace. Profoundly respectful
Satin tongue of desire
Unforseen fingers gripping
Master lover of fire
Blue Angel, such a passionate write, written with beauty and grace. Profoundly respectful
1st Apr 2014 4:27pm
30th Mar 2014 7:30am
desire's liquid fire
falls against silken words.
let truth alone prevail
cock is made to stand
then when held in hand
it's order is
S T R I K E
then gals flow rivers
and he bathes his
ere
till it continues to deliver
ere it weeps
with a milky savour
any women's flavour
let it stand out
let the hardiest one
shockingly deliver
don't shiver!
falls against silken words.
let truth alone prevail
cock is made to stand
then when held in hand
it's order is
S T R I K E
then gals flow rivers
and he bathes his
ere
till it continues to deliver
ere it weeps
with a milky savour
any women's flavour
let it stand out
let the hardiest one
shockingly deliver
don't shiver!
1st Apr 2014 4:28pm
31st Mar 2014 8:22pm
Wow this is gorgeous i see u in Wanton of lust to be taken and ravage beautiful My Blue Angel
1st Apr 2014 4:30pm
The desire is wanton. Pleased by your perception. Thank you, timelessly for that passion.